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Diane Hine

Freshman - 2,381 Points (25 July 1956)

For the Connoisseur of Gout (a curtal sonnet)


Gouty toes are tickled pink by beer:
Light Ale’s frisson melds mace and mustard seed
(due to the way urate is crystallized) .
Lager’s snippier, like Grandma’s pinking shears
while Porter stings like a pet centipede
and Stout’s clout is pure Heaven – vulcanized.

And if your toes get hooked on pain – relax!
Just post ‘em off to Rehab. All you need
is bubble wrap, tape and a medium-sized
cardboard box. Oh yea, and one small axe
-sterilized.

Submitted: Thursday, February 20, 2014

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

This is a response to a comment on Forum - I don't have gout.
I'm sure if I did I wouldn't treat it so lightly.

Comments about this poem (For the Connoisseur of Gout (a curtal sonnet) by Diane Hine )

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  • Gold Star - 12,205 Points Valsa George (2/23/2014 9:52:00 AM)

    Gout is not something that is to be taken lightly! It is so painful... Diana! But your remedy of it would lessen the pain of even the most seriously gout afflicted person! Interesting! ! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,928 Points Valerie Dohren (2/22/2014 2:15:00 PM)

    Despite my last poem, I don't have gout either Diane, thank goodness. Very amusing haha, but not for those who do have it I guess. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 2,931 Points Veeraiyah Subbulakshmi (2/20/2014 9:46:00 PM)

    Gout is a painful condition...when the sharp crystalline needles pierce the flesh..

    but the poem is not painful and it is written with some good 'spirit' (Report) Reply

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