Elsa Bear

Rookie (21/10/87)

Final Honesty (believe me you haven't wanted to hear this as much as you thought)


lets just be friends.
those fateful words
that ruined more than they should.
said long before i broke our hearts,
but i'd lost you already.
i'd pushed you so far
that i'd lost sight of my love for you,
it was still there.
i just couldn't see it.
and then you were gone.
and my chest ached,
i almost drowned in tears,
but there was nothing i could do.
and i wanted to say it so many times.
i've wanted to talk and tell you,
but couldn't.
i've wanted to tell you i love you completely.
and i'll never have a 'him' like you.
you'll read this one day,
and shout at me the next.
but we'll still be friends.
i don't know how,
but it's what we do best.
we inspire people with our amiability.
our ability to be ok on the surface
and paint a smile over the cracks.
i want to be with you,
but you don't love me like you did, do you?
it's 2am and i'm writing at last,
i'm being honest at last,
knowing full well it will get me no further
towards happiness with you.
i wasn't the one who wanted more,
but i was selfishly thinking it.
he made me think that he did,
and he fooled me.
made me feel sad and stupid.
i was blinded and manipulated,
in some kind of sick game of revenge.
i'm banging my head against the wall
in shame of my own stupidity.
it's hot tonight,
but my life is cold and my air empty.
think what you will of me, but do it quickly
before i fade away.
this is my apologia.
my hope for redemption.
my wish, that you will read this and forgive me.
and tell me you love me completely
and have missed me.
be with me,
love me like you did,
lets start over.
or we'll keep being friends,
because it might be all we're doomed to be.

Submitted: Tuesday, June 21, 2005

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