Fat & Fifty Poem by Dónall Dempsey

I can only remember the days
when I was somewhat swift & rather nifty.

Now I’ve left those days behind
& all I am left with is this behind!

Do I look big in this?
(Yes! Yes! Yes!)

Now I feel so small
& can hardly move at all.

I remember I could be oh so slightly naughty
now I’m just rather unsightly.

The only thing I can enjoy in bed
is a good book & a hot Horlicks.

Have I really come to this?

Oh bollocks!