Expression Poem by Jessica Lindsey

empty, i am so empty
standing in the middle of a highway
somewhere that doesn't exsist.
thy sky spins around my head,
i'm dizzy,
it reaches inside, searching for a memory
of how to be happy,
how to care only about the things that matter
instead of all the things that don't
reminds me that i can ask for forgiveness,
reminding me, but i won't.
i'm standing on a little rock in the middle of the sea
there's no room for anyone else,
there's hardly room for me.
i stopped crying out for help long ago
because you can't save those who don't want to be saved
you threw me a line once, but i let it go
i'm by myself, i'm in this alone.
i fell asleep & dreamed of climbing in your window
but i don't know who you are or how to find you
i think secretly i may be waiting for you to show
up at my rock & invite me to come with you.
meanwhile,
i'm swimming in the clouds & flying in the ocean
falling up a mountain in a steady, changing motion.
people pass me, some even stare
i wonder if they can tell
that i'm as empty as the air.
in their minds they paint a picture
of who i am & what i do
but their paintings are too pretty
to be anywhere near true
once you die, you're dead forever,
at least that's how it appears
or maybe when you die, that's really when you're born
it's like looking backwards through broken mirrors.
they say time is of the essence,
but, the essence of what?
of spending your life composing music
that has no melody, no notes, no reality.
what am i saying-
life is a technicality.
a requirement in order to reach death
a rush to lose your breath
at a moment when someone new takes your hand
whispers your name & convinces you they care
but it's over so quickly
as you turn around & no one's there.
you fall but there's no one to laugh at you,
let alone, to help you to your feet
so you never get back up. 'cause there's no point.
so you just lie there in the street.
you look straight up at the rain
it falls into your eyes
turning them gray,
the color of the sky.
i used to love someone
i don't remember who
but at least it gave me meaning
something for my heart to do.
my heart was once the kind you picture when you think of love
now it's just an organ that beats & pumps my blood.
i need it to live, and yet...
i'm not really living anyway
just kind of drifting,
from day,
to night,
to day.
i'm searching, always searching
but not for the right things
which is as pointless as answering a phone
that never even rings.
haha!