jonathan Juarez

Rookie - 70 Points (Orange CA.)

excuse of a poem


Typing words right now to write
On the page the words in black
Without words the page is white
Taking turns with sentence slack.
Make a line that says in sight
Taking time to counteract
Letting more come through in light
Giving some and getting back.
It is day it is not night
What is here it is not fact
Laying down with all my might
Lazy search of shallow pact.
I'm not wrong I am not right
I'm not looking losing track
Don't know how to fuss or fight
Easy breezy flying kite.
Wow! now end this utter lack
Think i'll leave and ride my bike
One or two more lines to act
Now its over hope you like.

Submitted: Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Edited: Wednesday, May 16, 2012

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  • Rookie - 257 Points Patti Masterman (5/16/2012 5:45:00 PM)

    This is clever and sort of endearing. I think you like definite beginnings and endings.
    You have a talent with rhyming. Almost one could say you were under-rhyming, going for
    meaning, except your rhymes are too good to say you under did it. If you wrote plays,
    the choreography would be just as good as the dialog, that is to say.. (Report) Reply

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