Eat Your Heart Out! Poem by Stanley Collymore
Why can’t you leave well alone and stop sticking your
oar unwarrantedly and unwelcomed into what
frankly doesn’t concern you? Don’t you
think you’ve caused enough trouble
already as it is; and what makes
you think that your belligerent and unwanted
interference in a private affair, which to
be quite honest with you is none of
your business, is going to help
matters in any way? Because it won’t I assure
you, as I’ve heard it all before and I don’t
give a damn what you or others think
or say as what you’re indulging in
is both utterly senseless and
also downright irrational.
You’re my sister not my keeper, and as a responsible
adult I’ve a specific duty to myself to individually
choose how I legally want to live my own life
as well as ultimately determine what’s best
for me; and not be forced, whether out
of societal pressure, sibling coercion
or the undue influences of others
into subverting those inalienable
rights which I’m entitled to, to
the capricious or, worst still,
the perverse demands of
people who might very
well be complete
Far less so have these rights summarily hijacked by a
scheming sister for the gratuitous satisfaction and
the sole purpose of her utterly selfish and biased
agenda, and who I categorically know that
while unasked nevertheless wastes no
opportunity that she can grab for herself
to tell anyone who’ll bother to listen
to her that her life is her own and
she’ll do with it as she damn
well pleases, still thinks
that she has a right to
control my life.
And to be fair to you Sis you’ve lived your life as you
pleased and effectively done so every since you
were a teenager. So what’s the difference
then between your right to choose who you want to
share your life with, and moreover do so without
your countenancing let alone tolerating any
criticism or input of whatever kind or
however beneficial it might be to
you from any source, and my
earnestly wishing to do
the same things too
with my life?
Except, of course, that while you’re ecstatically happy to
shack up with someone of your own race and unmarried
have his kids, you nevertheless in your sick mind
consider it rather infra dig for me to marry the
Blackman I very much love and who I know
genuinely and respectfully reciprocates
that love; and furthermore intend to
have lawfully conceived, born,
properly raised and immensely loved
children by him; which is a darn sight
more than can be said for the feral
and pallid bastards, in every
sense of the word, that
© Stanley V. Collymore
26 October 2013.
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Poet's Notes about The Poem
On the 25 January 1964 a baby girl was born at a hospital in the North Riding of Yorkshire England to a maxed race couple. The black father was from Barbados and the white mother from Yorkshire and they had both met while they were student nurses at a major psychiatric hospital in the North Riding.
Both parents were 19 at the time and the young woman’s pregnancy caused quite a stir among the hospital’s administrators and even some of the white female nurses that were themselves routinely sleeping with the small number of black male nurses: the complement of black nurses, male as well as female, at the hospital in question was very small in any case; however this pregnant young lady was upbraided by her colleagues and superiors, at a time when the pill was unheard of and other forms of contraception were haphazard to say the least, not for having sex with a black man which they said she should have done covertly and was always deniable if openly challenged as many of the others were doing but because she had got herself pregnant which was a fait accompli.
On being told of her condition from the outset the child’s father offered marriage and although he had not yet reached the age of 21, the legal age of majority then, his parents not desirous of their son having an out of wedlock child, a sentiment shared by his grandparents and other close relatives but also happy about his relationship, since they were totally convinced that the young man genuinely loved this girl having communicated his feelings for her to them all, were very much in favour of his marrying the girl and happily and unanimously granted their consent. However the girl’s parents refused all such overtures and demanded that their daughter have an abortion, which then was illegal under any circumstance. The girl refused and decided to have her baby.
Already forced to give up her nursing job she was admitted to a home for unmarried mothers which were themselves quite replete in England at the time where she stayed until the delivery of her child at a neighbouring maternity hospital on the 25 January 1964. Still together despite the ostracism they’d been subjected to the father was at the birth, something quite usual now and certainly so then and probably only occurred because the matron of that hospital was herself Black and empathized with their plight.
It had been agreed from the outset of the young lady’s pregnancy, a suggestion made by the woman’s black partner and would-be husband, that whether or not her parents allowed them to be married he very much intended that their child be officially registered in his name. This happened with him even with the mother’s voluntary permission as well allowing him when he went to the local registry office to give the baby girl the names they’d both agreed on.
Unwilling to have her back home this young mother had to make do with returning to the home for unmarried mothers and when it was suggested and mutually agreed by the child’s father, his parents and even relatives in Barbados to have the baby entrusted to the care of his paternal biological relatives, the girl’s parents who didn’t want her home because of the shame they perceived she’d brought to their all-white community in Yorkshire, stepped in and blocked this agreement.
Instead they suggested that the baby girl should be adopted or else failing that fostered by a white couple. At the home for unmarried mothers where all this was taking place the young mother was again subjected to endemic racism not only from the home’s warden, who told her that she should eschew marrying any Blackman since no matter how civilized they appear to be they were in actuality not so; and not having been to the West Indies herself, much less so Barbados voiced the opinion that a white woman, regardless of who she was, was a feather in a black man’s cap in these overseas countries, but also the all-white complement of unmarried mothers there whose children, or as yet unborn ones, were for the most part as a direct consequence of affairs that these young women had with married men still very much committed to their wives and the families from them, whether or they unwittingly knew in some of these instances that they were fathering kids they didn’t sire. As such these unmarried mothers views were the same as everyone one else; clandestinely sleeping with a Blackman was fine, getting pregnant by him in a love relationship, which in their opinion should never have taken place, was unforgivable!
Unable to exercise any legal force in the matter because he wasn’t married to this young mother, her parents still holding out against this, and his parents and relatives though keen to have the baby to raise and bring up as their own, and everyone fully cognisant that the courts would not rule in the father’s favour the father and his relatives accepted the inevitability; that while the girl’s parents didn’t want to have the child themselves they would dog in the major style do everything they could to stymie the father and his family from having the little girl. And they did!
Eventually the little girl was placed with white foster parents that told the father when he asked to be allowed to visit her that his presence would upset her as she had only seen white people around her and the presence of a black man, even someone who was her father, would be upsetting to her. As a condition of being allowed back home the young mother had been forced to consent to this state of affairs which obviously put a strain on her relationship with the child’s father; all the more so because her own parents were doing their very best to get her married off to any white man that would have her.
The child’s father meanwhile financially carried on supporting his child and eventually the child’s mother was allowed to resume her nursing training at another Yorkshire hospital. But the relationship between the two parents had become strained not least because the Barbadian male proud of his ancestry and lineage wasn’t prepared to compromise either for the sake of white acceptance. Sometime later he got word that his girlfriend had met and was about to marry a white man who was in the British Army. Born in Britain himself his parents and lineage weren’t English but he was white and acceptable.
Married, the little girl was ultimately allowed to go to the home of her maternal grandparents who told everyone that she was Portuguese, even though she had no such lineage, and that they were fostering her; but even the girl herself was told this. Uncaring at first about his wife having had a child by a Black man it was a case of out of sight and out of mind. However when he was unable to produce one of his own things changed and deep resentment set in. The girl, who had earlier been allowed to stay with her mother and him for economic reasons, child benefit and an army house, suddenly became a target of his abuse.
Shut out of his child’s life the biological father still refused to give up and since the other side wasn’t going to relent decided that he would wait until the girl in question was 21 and contact her personally. Which he managed to do, only to discover that she had been trying to do the same herself going by the details of him and her on her birth certificate but to no avail. That meeting happened in 1985.
The story this young woman had to tell was quite traumatic, including how she’d been kicked out of the home she shared with mother and stepfather when she was 16 and literally lived rough. Soon after that she fell in love with someone she met; who was white, said he loved her and got her pregnant but when she related her condition to him he simply deserted her.
Left to bring up a child on her own she got no moral or physical support from her mother, who desperately trying to salvage a marriage that was seriously on the rocks had no time for her daughter or grandchild. Ultimately, or rather inevitably, that marriage collapsed, she got a divorce and quickly went into another marital relationship with a divorced white man with several children from his former marriage. But the ironic and sad thing is that while this woman was more than happy to fully embrace and welcome these step kids of hers there was still no empathy shared with her own daughter.
Cruelly her own daughter was very much on the outside and when her deserted lover turned up and said he was sorry to have left her and their son she believed him and took him back. Not long after that she was pregnant again, he instantly disappeared once more, and she would be physically and psychologically lumbered with not one but two sons to raise on her own. But there’s a happy ending to this story; for at a time when she wasn’t looking for love and was committed to doing her best for her two boys come what may, a young man of principle met her through these same two lads; took to them, befriended the mother and ultimately persuaded her that he loved her and convinced her that she should trust him.
A most difficult task to accomplish; but through patience, endurance and personal integrity he managed it and they eventually got married and still are. Significantly too, he adopted both boys, encouraged her not to give up the search for her biological father, and with that task achieved, started a family of their own: a daughter to complement the two sons they already have. This remarkable man, incidentally, is white and British, but racism neither from the outset of their relationship nor at any stage throughout it, right up to the present, has never featured in the remotest sense in their beautiful relationship together. And why should it when they both see themselves and each other as worthy human beings?
Regrettably though this is far from the norm in racist Britain where the mantra is that black men are unreliable and make bad parents. It’s a mantra that even several of our successful mixed race English citizens of both genders and of black/white racial lineage actually believe, having been fed the same racist crap by their white mothers. The truth is that no self-respecting black man who is worth his salt is going to stick around with a white women, not even one he freely got married to, that asininely believes that her skin colour, and being regarded as or looked upon by that white clan she still desperately wants to feel a part of, no matter how many insults or acts of ostracism those who’re in it individually or collectively direct at her, is going to put up with that kind of intrinsic racial brainwashing which makes him feel infinitely less than the human being he is. Something that these white women would never subject a white man to.
And it makes no difference whatsoever to this analysis whether that Blackman was the father of Barack Obama, the incumbent President of the USA whose dad was a Kenyan and who couldn’t have married the future Mrs Obama or have children by her had their relationship occurred on mainland USA where she would have been sent to jail and Obama Snr would have ended up on death row for statutory rape for consensually marrying a white woman and conceiving in wedlock a wanted child, circumstances to which no white couple would ever have been subjected to, but where a black man and a white spouse were concerned contravened the Jim Crow and supposedly moral ethics of white America. In fact these laws didn’t change until long after Barack Obama’s birth, accounting for the fact that his biological parents chose to marry, live in and had him in Hawaii, which although a US colony wasn’t part of the USA.
Or to the often enforced and absent fathers of those mixed-raced Britons, many of whose black dads are largely of Caribbean ancestry, who although death row was a punitive legal sanction for the men concerned, every conceivable form of social ostracism was nevertheless directed at them’ and not uncommonly many of the white women involved in such relationship, and who were legally wives whose children by their black husbands had been conceived and delivered in marriage, nevertheless found themselves sectioned to what can best be described as imprisonment in psychiatric hospital for daring to marry a Black man and have children by him.
I’ve personally met several of these unfortunate women within the mental hospitals in which they were often summarily incarcerated and had become institutionalized to, and from whom their children had been arbitrarily and, most ironically in the circumstances bearing in mind it was from perfectly competent, loving and caring, white biological mothers and wives that these mixed race children had been taken from and given to all and sundry but always exclusively to people that were white and total strangers not only to the child involved but also its mother and father for purely financial reasons to look after.
But observing even now in 2013 as I regularly do the perversely cultivated antipathy on the part of some mixed-race individuals in the UK, usually of black lineage, and endemically so among those who’ve made it successfully whether in football, athletics or whatever field of endeavour they’ve embarked on towards members of the black British community generally and Blacks in particular, I must say that their attitude makes me want to puke!
Haven’t these white brainwashed clowns and nitwits never heard of the established principal of the survival of the fittest? If not, then I seriously suggest that they do some urgent research and look it up. For many of their achievement qualities that made them the successes they are, and particularly so among those of Black Caribbean and African-American lineage stems from that same process that by them their derided and ignored black ancestors were forcibly subjected to as a direct result of the barbaric, Transatlantic Slave Trade in Black lives and whose DNA and constructive attributes of survival amply run through every segment of their physiological and psychological makeup, regardless of whether these inane “Coconuts”: evidently brown outside but white on the inside, mixed-raced, wannabe whites acknowledge this fact of life or not!
For all the empirical data to date categorically shows that over 80% of mixed-race children that were born to Black fathers and non-black mothers, particularly in the case of the UK, it’s the fathers, whether they’re present or absent, who’re usually the ones who’re more educationally equipped and creatively gifted, especially if they were born, raised and educated overseas, than their non-white spouses or partners. Qualities which they clearly pass on genetically to, as well as to the overall benefit of their biological, mixed race offspring, whether these progeny accept or ungratefully refuse to acknowledge this.
And my forthright take on this one is, white physician and mixed-race surrogates heal yourself first and foremost before you commence adversely commenting on the perceived ills of black men generally or specifically.
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