Don'T Write Poems Without It Poem by Bob and Alex Eichen

Dear Poet,
Congratulations! You have been selected to recieve the new United States Master Express Poetry Card. You are Pre-approved with platinum status. This card is the poet's choice, welcome at over 130,000 locations throughout the U.S. and Mexico, wherever fine poetry cards are accepted.

With our card we offer:
1) Low annual APR (Annual Poetry Rate)
2) No Robert Service charges... Ever!
3) 0% transfer fee from your other high interest poetry cards for 12 months
4) No enrollment fee, no annual fee!
5) No limit to the number of poems you can write or read!

And there's more:

A) Each time you use your United States Master Express Poetry Card you earn valuable poetry points
B) Points do not expire
C) No limit to the number of points you can earn
D) No black out dates, use your points whenever you want.
E) Points redeemable at any public library, bookstore or online at poetry web sites.

Great Rewards like these are easy to earn:
1,000 points.............. simple rhyme.. ex. ball/tall
5,000 points...............Free limerick or haiku
10,000 points............$100 gift certificate to Poetry Barn
100,000 points.........One epic poem, your choice
1,000,000 points......A brand new Bookmobile

Use the United States Master Express Poetry Card whenever you are writing or reading:
1) Epic, Lyric, or Dramatic poetry (comedy and tragedy)
2) Iambic tetrameter, Trochaic Octameter, Anapestic tetrameter and many more metrical patterns
3) Rhyme, Alliteration, Assonance and Consonance
4) Distich, Tercet, Quatrain, Cinquain, Etc.
5) Sonnets, Villanelles, Pantoums, and Tankas
6) And of course there is just far to much more to list here!

The United States Master Express poetry Card can be used whenever you are reading:
A) The Classic Poets like Ariosto, Boiardo, and Pulci
B) Silver Age Poets like Blake, Byron and Longfellow
C) And modern rising superstars like those found at Poemhunters.com
Your Choice is virtually Unlimited!

And you don't have to be famous to use this card! Listen to what bad poets have to say about our card:

B. Eichen, Alton, IL..... 'Using the United States Master Express Poetry Card has made me much more sesquipedalion! '

D. Shaw, author of the haiku, 'The 7,533rd Defecation of a Constipated Man' writes: ' I cash in my poetry points at the magazine rack here at the Piggly Wiggley, in Walla Walla! '

Please fill out enclosed application and return in postage paid envelope. Upon approval, you should have your card in 4-6 weeks.
Offer subject to change. Read fine print before applying. Serious penalties for plagerism. Offer not valid for poems by ee cummings, in Indiana or anywhere else where prohibited by law.

Your new United States Master Express Poetry Card... Don't Write Poems Without It!