'Did I Ever Exist? ' Poem by Ananta Madhavan

'Did I Ever Exist? '

Rating: 4.6


I am not sure I ever lived, except in this imagined space,
This concoction of words that perhaps make a little sense
To a kindly heart like yours.

If I was never born,
I never died. Was I immortal
Without ever being me, a person with a body, mind and soul,
Like you, but different, a unique variant?

I am no freak, no fiction, once I was a fact,
If Time can be trusted, solar or cosmic.
My tale is sad and simple. Mother's womb
Was all the world I ever knew
Before I grew to be a person,
Rather than a form of words, your words, this verse.

She cherished and sustained me
Over nine months. She boasted to her man
That she could feel me kicking inside.
If I had lived among folks like you,
I might even have twitted about my ‘kick-start' into your world.

The x-rays showed me up, a shape, a foetus,
A something or someone not quite understood.
The medicos murmured strange Latin phrases
I never had to learn. Mother swallowed tablets,
Tonics and elixirs. They warned her a to lay off
Sugar and salt and lose weight. But she, poor thing,
Could not resist a treat. Did I imperil her,
Unconsciously sneaking into a world I never made,
Never could have imagined?
Poor Mother wanted to smuggle me in,
A licit immigrant with a lifelong visa.

"The whole earth is our hospital", said your T.S. Eliot.
They would not admit me, a casualty,
Immune to oxygen mask and ventilator,
Dismissed with an exculpating sentence:
"Dead on arrival".
- - - - -
31 October,2014.

Thursday, October 30, 2014
Topic(s) of this poem: birth
POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
This personal tragedy led me to re-read T.S. Eliot's 'East Coker', the second of his 'Four Quartets'; hence my quote from that deeply contemplative poem, which prompts one's own meditation of experience.
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Edward Kofi Louis 12 December 2015

In this imagined space of life. Nice work.

3 1 Reply
A. Madhavan 12 December 2015

Sincere thanks for your appreciative comment. Such commendation restores one's longing for self-expression in words which readers find worth reading again. Best wishes, AM

0 0
Richard Antwi 22 June 2020

Well written with lots of literary devices

0 0 Reply
Kumarmani Mahakul 16 June 2019

A poem with deep feelings and sadness has been so touchingly and movingly delineated. The essence of this poem is great and pensive. Thanks for saring.10

1 0 Reply
Nika Mcguin 20 February 2017

This is so sad....The way it started off I thought it was just another metaphysical philosophic poem. But no - the true story behind it gives life and voice to a being that never got the chance to speak or be a part of our world. This was a very moving read. Usually this kind of topic is written from the mother or father's perspective; but hearing it from the child's perspective is both refreshing and very heartbreaking.

0 0 Reply
A. Madhavan 20 February 2017

I am deeply touched by your sympathetic reading. It encourages me to continue trying to write verse or prose n words, phrases and images that stir fellow-feeling in a reader intuitively, though the context may be unfamiliar. I thank PH for this generous linking of minds.

0 0
Indira Renganathan 20 February 2017

Very pensive....very touching....no words beyond silent tears

2 0 Reply
A. Madhavan 20 February 2017

Thank you, Poet Indira Renganathan. As one who is from the same culture and environment, may I request you to browse another poem I posted in PH, 'Praise for woman's courage in Suburbia'. /we value compassion. That theme stirred my verse about a 'Mottled Cow' on the street below our balcony. Best wishes. AM

0 0
Edward Kofi Louis 20 February 2017

Imagine space! ! With the muse of life. Thanks for sharing this poem with us.

0 0 Reply
A. Madhavan 20 February 2017

You are a veteran, your view counts. Thank you. Let us continue.

0 0
READ THIS POEM IN OTHER LANGUAGES
Close
Error Success