Curse Upon Myself Poem by Andrus Cassian

I swore I’d never be happy again…was it my own curse I laid upon myself?
A personal skeleton song I turned into a personal vendetta
It would explain so much, yet so little in comparison
Oh, how the mighty have fallen
I have never been mighty in my life
The façade, in which I carry, carries me into my own invincibility
Hah! What invincibility remained has now transformed into vulnerability
I can’t even stay in a room long enough
Before I forget how to breathe, I never knew how in the first place
The rising pit in my stomach burns like a pair of beady eyes burning a hole through the back of mine
Is it my asthma returning or a combination of something worse?
I’d rather not dwell upon or I’d overdose again on nitrogen and run out to find oxygen
Do I need the assistance of a psychiatric?
It’s been requested that I might; It’s been protested by me, I can do it all on my own
But by these constant headaches, constant stimulation of my brain
And the constant pain in the pit of my stomach, the race of my heartbeat
Proves me all wrong
Though I refuse to show it, refuse to lie down and take it
But I have no choice; this may be my only chance
So why do I now hang my head in defeat
Put my pride in a display case and go back to my cave
What’s the point of being out anymore? I can’t breathe my own air anyway
All the air around me is stale and tainted; guess it matches my past exactly
Laughing it off isn’t going to do it anymore, is it?
Why not, I’m always the punchline….