Crestfallen Poem by Gilbert Ortega

How did it all pass me by
In the thump of a heartbeat or the blink of an eye
The moment was like a familiar phantom
But my words were, once again, for ransom
And now it's killing me inside my mind
To never know what I would find
And ever since when I see your face
There's nothing left, no single trace
There's only deep derision marks
Like half-light when it's nearly dark
Like pictures ripped or burned to ash
A salted wound or unhealed gash
The portrait of you in my mind
Fades like a painting over time
In the rays of your abandonment
Like a forgotten old adornment
The memories you left to me
Are a testament to your apathy
And I've tried so hard to recall the sound
Of my name that you once spoke out loud
Or the feeling when our fingers touched
But, to you, I know it won't mean much
To tell you when I hear a love song
I shutter and my mind goes numb
My breath gets short or goes away
It's a difficult feeling to allay
And, yes, it's true that I was distant
That I had a chance but somehow missed it
That I covet sometimes far too often
That I still obsess over loves forgotten
And the things I say come out wrong
And I love you only when you're gone
But, I did believe in what we had
The hours the days, the good the bad
When all I could do was sit and wait
Leave it in the hands of fate
Then I heard the knock upon my door
And thought you'd returned for one tryst more
But I heard your voice with that inflection
I braced myself for your rejection
My threshold for pain was tested
When your loathing towards me had crested
Sleepless nights and silent daydreams
All the while my lonely heart screams
For the times that you would raise an eyebrow
Whisper softly, 'I want you now'
The quiver of your lips first kissed
The paleness of your supple wrists
The scent of the skin on your neck laid bare
And the way that you would stroke my hair
But those feelings lay as in a mire
When the stones are cold after the fire
No longer flames in your eyes nor mine
Just the empty chasm that fills over time
I walk away wise but sullen
And how you left me cast out and crestfallen