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when I was a very young girl....
I wanted to schtup Jesus...
he was beautiful.....
his muscles shone with honest sweat...
.I wanted to lick
the droplets from
his biceps and his back.....
I dreamed of what was hidden from me....
....I wanted to unclasp
the bright brass buckle...
.to see more of the white
cotton that peeked
at me when he bent..
.to dispose
of
that small garment..
.by throwing it
into
the branches
of
the elm tree...
or the carob....
to touch and know
the parts of his body I'd imagined...
I lurked in the house...
hiding
behind the furniture...
where I could see him....
and I thought
he couldn't see me....
.I watched him in the yard....
his gentle, knowing hands
brought
life to the flowers....
I wanted that caress....
I wanted to bloom
by way of
those tender fingers......
.I wanted those legs
wrapped around me.....
.those beautiful hands
to travel every part of me...
to know my girlhood
brought to womanhood...
I wanted to give
him
my flower...my blossom.....
I wanted his gift...
and to gift him with mine.......
.I wasn't sure just how.... it would be...
but I knew
he would know
the secret ways of these soul-animal things.........
I was sure
a thousand ecstacies
awaited our union...
that we'd play
and dance
and burst with juicy, slippery joy......
we'd howl like wolves
and
thank the angels with our song.....
we would breathe as one...
we would travel
to the clouds and back again...
spent
and grateful
that
the earth
was there
to catch and hold us......
again...
and again...and again......
we'd fly......
then my father came home and paid him....
'the garden looks lovely...we'll soon have peaches, thanks to you...see you next Wednesday.... '
my peach thirsted for Jesus........
I watched him as he walked down the lane.....
I swallowed my fantasies....
a week seemed so long...so far away......
'Hi, Daddy....there's roast chicken for dinner...and fruit salad....'
delilah contrapunctal.... yes, that's how I intended to spell it.........
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