kanav justa

Freshman - 1,035 Points (Shimla)

Cloud And Stone

Cloud of the sky fell in love with a stone of earth
came down to the land he left his big old hearth

dressed in white he looked bright in the dark black night
on its will it would grow on its will it would cease his height

he trimmed his beard, he looked weird yet he wanted to shine
as he looked in the mirror he said, cloud you look so fine

he scribbled in his arm that said, I love you dear stone
in life, together we would smile, together we would moan

as he thought of the stone in his face he had a big smile
he painted his love in a page that he kept on a file

he went to the house of stone he came with a red rose
on a day when the sun was bright he wanted to propose

he saw his stone lying naked, with another stone
they made love all night, cloud heard his lover moan

that night rained heavy as the cloud went back to his home
he told his mother he had been in love with a stone

Submitted: Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Edited: Tuesday, December 17, 2013

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  • Veteran Poet - 3,579 Points Savita Tyagi (3/23/2014 8:58:00 AM)

    A very enchanting poem from beginning to end. All the expectations of a young love, yet sadly ending with cold reality. Very imaginative. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 913 Points Susan Lacovara (1/18/2014 10:11:00 AM)

    The softness of the cloud, hardened by the coldness of the stone...quite the impressive poem! You have mastered the art of storytelling, in this piece....so sad, and touching. I applaud you. I will add this one to my favorites, as it is laced with emotions most can easily relate to...at one time or another....beautifully done! PEACE (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 7,018 Points * Sunprincess * (12/30/2013 6:01:00 PM)

    .......oh kanav, you know I absolutely love this poem :) ...do you know this is the best allegorical poem ever written...no seriously I am not trying to flatter you :) ...never would I...oh honestly sometimes I will; p....but not now I am being serious...what I am trying to say is, this is the best allegorical poem I have ever read...and I have read a lot of poems on ph...go see the number of comments I have given....you should write more poems of this type...you are blessed with a great talent and it always leaves me astonishingly in awe :) (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 5,319 Points Geetha Jayakumar (12/22/2013 12:49:00 PM)

    Beautiful poem Kanav. Superb ending... he told his mother he had been in love with a stone..
    Just loved it. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,551 Points Hans Vr (12/21/2013 4:06:00 AM)

    What a great poem! The story of the impossible love. Perhaps only mother cloud had predicted from the beginning that it would not work out. Fantastic choice of images. I like the idea of clouds loving stones but when the 'in' is added to be in love, suddenly the mission seems to become close to impossible. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 6,337 Points Neela Nath (12/19/2013 8:26:00 PM)

    Kanav, a fabulous write! The metaphor of Cloud and Stone has opened here the story of hearts.A story of love, unveiling of truth and outburst of emotion is told with intensity.Loved. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 421 Points Shahzia Batool (12/19/2013 1:34:00 PM)

    A fine piece in the art of symbolic personification,
    composed with an inborn talent of story-telling...
    as cloud is a rightly chosen image for the lavish
    and gentle downpour of soft feelings, while stone is stone-hearted indeed...you developed and then maintained the level of interest till the end...a verse tale writing is not a common art! ! !
    very good! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 2,884 Points Hazel Durham (12/19/2013 8:55:00 AM)

    I love this sad but enchanting poem with your amazing imagination that makes cloud and stone so real that we feel cloud's innocence and hurt of finding stone, with another stone making love.
    Superb write! (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 7,018 Points * Sunprincess * (12/17/2013 11:13:00 PM)

    kanav i absolutely love this….i was astonished and intrigued…
    by this beautifully written and heart breaking allegorical poem…
    how could stone hurt cloud this way...cloud captured my attention
    with his love and goodness….sure he knows what true love is
    but apparently stone has neither a heart or brain to see this..
    and you know what is so strange...i am related to cloud….
    my great great great great grandmother’s name is talitha cloud…
    she was born in the 1700’s and married my fourth grandfather
    he was a reverend and a very great man...and yes, yes, yes
    i would love to meet cloud...he seems to be very kind and special…
    if only cloud was my best friend..i would give him the world and
    we would both be in heaven :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 222 Points Marie Shine (12/17/2013 6:20:00 AM)

    Wonderful use of personification in this beautifully narrated poem, Kanav. Wow! What an imagination you have! Breathtaking! Just imagine a fluffy cloud, so soft, so cuddly, so warm, falling in love with something as cold and hard as a stone! Lovely work! Thank you for sharing, Kanav... Blessings always... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 39 Points Malini Kadir (12/17/2013 1:42:00 AM)

    told his mother....he loved a stone on returning back to his cloudy life in a fluffy cotton wrapped life....high up in the skies of your imagination....lovely narrative in verse....two lines too much for the Shakespearean sonnet! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,505 Points Dinesh Nair (12/17/2013 1:33:00 AM)

    Lines have fallen like water from a silver jar. A tale telling poem from your superb imagination, Kanav. (Report) Reply

Read all 17 comments »

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