Chemotherapy Kisses Poem by Laura Clayton

We could never just be average teenagers; worrying about high school and deadlines
No, instead we had to worry about whether or not we would be alive the next day
Our relationship could never be normal
We never got to have a candle-lit dinner in a fancy restaurant or any of the other romantic things a girl dreams of doing with her first love
And instead of sneaking into my bedroom at night, you snuck into my hospital room

The very first time we kissed,
I ended up falling asleep because the chemotherapy wore me out
I never apologized for that
And even if I had, I knew you would tell me to stop being silly

You were the only person brave enough to tell me that you could see the moon’s reflection on my bald head
And I smiled because that was honestly the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to me.
That day, you also told me that you had always wanted to be a poet,
Then you gave me this smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes
And I understood what that meant-
It was too late for that to happen now.

I hate how all of our conversations consisted of complaining about our illness;
About how it sucked that the bone marrow transplants never worked for long
And how the hospital always smelt of really strong bleach that just made us feel even sicker.

But I love how you always managed to make light jokes about our situation.
I love that you always held the bowl for me when I was being sick.
I love how you never let me give up, not even for a second.
I just wish that I had told you how much I loved you before you died.