Jesse James and Wyatt Earp were playing poker.
It was hot and very close in the Kansas saloon.
The bugs preferred to crawl, it was too much work to fly.
Belle Starr stirred the dead air with her fan.
The players eyed each other leerily and coddled their cards.
Jessie took a sip of 'shine and said 'I'll take two.'
It was then that Earp spotted the trick.
Belle, honey' he said, calmly, 'can you get me a beer? '
'Sure, honey, ' she said, musically, and traipsed off swinging her hips.
'Jesse, you dog, hissed Earp, 'you dirty gerrymanderin' animule,
pretendin' to play by the rules, then cheatin' for gain,
Take that! ', and he aimed his gun at Jesse's hand.
Caught in the glare of the lawman's gaze
Jesse peeed his pants. A growing circle of wet appeared
Exactly where you might expect.
'Take that, ' barked Earp- he was really mad-
And sent a bullet though Jesse's heart via a playing card
Which later turned out to be the ace of hearts,
And before the card fluttered to the ground
shot several more holes through it, for good fun.
That was marksmanship!
Jesse preceded the card to the floor
With narry so much as a moan or a groan.
It landed on his breathless abdomen.
Belle came back with the lousy beer.
'What was all that noise', she asked, a bit surprised,
Then noticing James, wondered 'What happened to HIM? ',
Stepping over her dead sweetheart, prone in the mud.
'Dirty, filthy cheat', she exclaimed, when Earp explained,
Stomping on Jesse's chest with her stiletto heel.
Then she leaned down and picked up the card-
Examined the overlapping holes, the scarlet heart,
'Cheatin's the best aphrodisiac', she hummed.
'All my candy money', wept Earp, 'he was a-cheatin' ta' git- '
'Cheatin's the best aphrodisiac', sang Belle, sadly,
'The best aphrodisiac you can buy'.
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