' Can'T Eat Anything These Days' Poem by Linda Winchell

I can't eat anything at all these days
I seem to be allergic to it all!
I can't have any dairy products
you know what that does to us all?

So I tried to eat Vegetarian style
like beans and sprouts and grass!
Well you know what that did for my reputation?
I got rid of a lot of friends, with all that noise and GAS!

Then I tried that South Beach Diet thing
Then, No carb, and low carb too!
I got so bone thin from all of that
I looked like some skinny, sick buffoon!

I had to shop in the kids department
to find some clothesfor me to wear.
Now a woman of sixty, can you picture this?
In an outfit imprinted with little pink teddy bears!

My boobs were hanging down to my waist!
And my hair started falling out!
I must have looked a sight to others!
Every time that I stepped out!

A gust of wind came up
and took me flying down the sidewalk one afternoon!
I was grabbing on to anything available
pulled down some old ladies pantaloons!

So what can a person eat these days?
to stay healthy, fit and trim?
I'll just have to chew on all the boxe's I guess?
that all that stuff I can't eat comes in?