Bridge Etiquette Poem by Don Pearson

(for Jean Whitlam, Exeter Bridge Club)

Welcome to our bridge club.
We are Hetty and Kate.
Would you like a cup of tea?
There isn’t long to wait.

A pair of sweet old ladies.
A piece of cake, it seemed,
But when he left their table
He pulled his hair and screamed.

Each brain is just like Einstein’s,
Each soul a ravening beast,
And if they leave you tearful
They won’t mind in the least.

Just hesitate a moment
And then pull out a “Pass”,
You’ll soon see the flash of steel
And stab wounds in your (leg) .

Colonel Mitchell shot himself,
He couldn’t face their ire.
They tossed a burning Ace of Trumps
To light his funeral pyre.

But they are sweet old ladies,
And they’ll do as they please.
They’ll offer you a piece of cake,
Then execute a squeeze.

May 2009