Breathless, Travis Morrison Poem by Andrus Cassian

Suicide, euthanasia
I never thought I’d be the one to go down like this
But I wanted to have control in the way I was sent out of this world
Instead of kept barely alive, pointless.
My parents refused to see things my way, putting up blinders to save my life.
We were always arguing about the heart breaking subject
Their desire, determination to keep me needlessly alive
With machines, tubes, needles and pointless medication procedures
Which have proved to be draining the very life-force I have left.
Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.
This wouldn’t make any sense unless you knew who I am.
My name is Travis Morrison
Beloved champion diver, son, brother, boyfriend, best friend
What it will read on my tombstone.
I had everything I ever wanted, the perfect life.
I was married to the sparkling, majesty of the sea but my greatest love was my girlfriend, Darla.
Her beauty could kill, made other guys stop and stare but her as a person intrigued me.
I had a plethora of friends but Cooper was the best, my best friend since third grade.
We’ve been through thick and thin, but we always had each other’s back.
I had an amazing, loving family but it seemed my sister, Emily, loved me the most.
The four of us did everything together.
Funny how my best friend loved my little sister and she him in return
But they never really hid it well; too bad they never hit off.
Anyway how I came to be stuck in a hospital bed
The four of us were having a picnic near a famous rock
And out of competition, awe; I decided to duplicate a jump I made the year before.
They protested but I chose to let adrenaline win.
On the way down, something in my thigh burst and I could barely keep my head above my wife.
If it wasn’t for Cooper, I’d be left breathless; slowly being erased on a watery grave.
To my dismay, it was the effect of bone cancer causing my discomfort and pure agony
And there went my world, taking everyone hostage.
I became a burden, I guess only in my own mind.
I was always wasted on the medical morphine prescribed to me
From the operation to amputate my leg, killing my dreams of diving forever.
Depression kicked in like a beast chasing after its kill
Everyone tried their best to avoid leaving me alone but the dark thoughts prevailed
The absence of my leg become the center of my crumbling world
Worse now, since now the cancer keeps threatening to spread rapidly.
I was induced with chemo regularly but with a friend to endure it with.
She had two little girls to think of, a way out for them and her if she were to leave this world a warrior.
In the dead of night, is how she became breathless herself but by her own means, DNR
The same idea I suggested to my parents but they weren’t moved no matter how hard I convicted
Even when the cancer kept spreading, even when the remissions turned into disasters.
How could they be so blind when all I wanted to do was die?
Darla, my beautiful earth angel
She cast aside her treasured role in a play she desperately wanted to be a part of
(Sigh) For the likes of me…no…but I love her so; this is unfair, killing me.
Cooper, he crashes at my feet despite his work
Despite the smell of beer on his breath, despite the fact his mom was never really there
He’s always been the best friend a guy could ask for; he’s always been there for me
He’s saved my life more than once…
Emily…what of my sister…I know she’s in a downward spiral
But I tried so hard to shelter her from the news, the plan of my eternal grace
Yet in her eyes, my eternal demise; my own way out, I never had a chance to commit anyway.
You know they say a person deserves it when they die with their eyes open
I’ve always wondered how they could ever know, and the reason behind their answer
Unfortunately, I don’t know myself; I was never able to open my eyes again.
A seizure compelled the doctors to react instinctively to turn me into nothing but a chest.
I died with several limbs amputated; my eyelids sowed shut, my heart unable to restart
I believe it was my dear Emily respecting my overdose to insulin, saving me; I’m unsure.
A tragedy in everyone eyes it may seem, but it brought everlasting peace in my soul.
Here I am, floating upon a cloud filled wonderland; a new sea for me to swim in.
I desired to be married to the sea in love and death though Darla was my only true love.
I wished to see my best friend and my favorite, only little sister together at last
But they’ve separated, all of them; they’ve grown apart.
Even as an a spirit in-between can tell, can see they would
The glue, the tape keeping all of them bound, intertwined together dissolved…
Me…“Travis Morrison: Champion diver, son, brother, boyfriend, and best friend”