Breathing For The First Time Poem by Clinton MacDonald

I’m taking in a new breath
And I’m finding it so hard
The ideas inside my head
Are tearing me apart
My idealistic views
Are turning inside out
I try to turn away
But all they do is shout
I hate the man that I’ve become
The boy I left behind
And now I cannot stomach
The boy I left behind
I was always meant to be
A better soul
A better man
A better son
Or so I once told myself
But somewhere in this field
Of which I once called my dreams
I lost my way I lost my faith
And everything in between
All these mixed emotions
Have led me to these crossroads
Now all I am is less
So mamma don’t watch
As I take this next step
The pain your son is in
Is a product of his own sin
A reckoning within
I hate the man I was
The boy I left behind
Still I cannot stomach
The boy I left behind
But as I draw this next breath
I’m seeking out revenge
I’m begging for redemption
Looking at the boy inside the mirror
Afraid of his own tears
Hiding from his fears
Afraid of my own tears
I’m hiding from my fears
Now looking in a mirror
I see myself so ugly
Misshapen and obscured