Boxer Rebellion Poem by Robert Sheridan

Once a upon a time, there was a Rebellion quite Chinese
Took place from November 1899 to September 1901 A.D.
The Boxers were considered somewhat anti-foreign –
When worn next to sensitive skin caused chaffing & itching.

Boxer activity began somewhere in Province Shandong
Where there had been a long underwear dispute
The Catholics emphasized when inside their holy temple
Only loincloth under pure-white garments should be worn.

The Local Court of Chastity Belts in their favor ruled
This to boxer-wearing Chinese did indeed anger
They needed the temple for washing day gossiping rituals
So, they put on clean underwear & attacked the hierarchy.

Guangxu Emperor of China decided to intervene
Sought to improve Asian men’s unmentionables
The Boxers were dry-cleaned by Imperial Fashion Troops;
Then the rebels to foreign brassieres turned their attention.

The Imperial Court, now under corset control quite firm
Forced the Chemise Empress to issue petticoat edicts
Long-john Imperial Army elements to the Boxers did join
Drew complaints & wedgies from diplomats foreign.

A fortified legation remained under siege – shifted
Foreign media described the undergarment fighting –
“A panty-raid, there was alleged torture, tens of thousands
of Chinese Onward Christians underwear were massacred.”

The poorly designed Boxers couldn’t hold broken wind
To the International Undergarment Army, this did relieve
But, the situation worsened when in sailed foreign navies
Sailors from non-Asian nations wore trouser-like bloomers.

Ships carried a large, expandable patented force
Undertook punitive damages – caught the Boxers unaware
The Imperial Chinese Government greatly failed
Ten years after – the Republic of China; Boxers browned-out.