Benevolent Assimilation Poem by George Ade

We haven't the appearance, goodness knows,
Of plain commercial men;
From a hasty glance, you might suppose
We are fractious now and then.
But though we come in warlike guise
And battle-front arrayed,
It's all a business enterprise —
We're seeking foreign trade.

We want to assimilate, if we can,
Our brother who is brown;
We love our dusky fellow-man
And we hate to hunt him Sown.
So, when we perforate his frame,
We want him to be good.
We shoot at him to make him tame,
If he but understood.

REFRAIN

We're as mild as any turtle-dove
When we see the foe a-coming,
Our thoughts are set on human love
When we hear the bullets humming.
We teach the native population
What the golden rule is like,
And we scatter public education
On ev'ry blasted hike!