Treasure Island

Sara Fielder

Behind the Bronze Door

When we were negative three or four
We'd play behind the heavy bronze door
In white linen dresses and silver shoes
Our eyes swirled infinity in blue-green hues
Sunbeams shot out through our skin
While harp and lute softened the din
And there was no such thing as pain
While dreams stayed watered by invisible rain
You'd lead me by your slender hand
To the lake of life, with its daffodil sand
Saying 'Stay awhile and if you please,
We'll share ladyfingers and cucumber tea'
Then down to the water with me in tow,
To the middle of the lake we'd row and row
Where imaginary things chased our innocence
Through thick green fog and wispy mists
And frightened, I would want to leave
Tugging at your pure white linen sleeve
To abandon fate as worry and fear
Made me to think that 'they' were near
But you would never row away
And by the close of the foray
You'd wrapped them in your wings of love
Disarming them like a holy dove
Then soon our make believe would cease
They'd surrender to us in placid peace
And be our friends forevermore
And we'd all live ever happy
Back behind the bronze door

Submitted: Monday, September 03, 2012
Edited: Saturday, February 15, 2014

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Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

Comments about this poem (Behind the Bronze Door by Sara Fielder )

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  • Bri Edwards (2/16/2014 4:06:00 PM)

    Sara edited the poem a wee bit after reading my previous comment. i just read it again and, WITHOUT STOPPING to work on planning/composing my comment WHILE not done reading, my second look at the poem was much more enjoyable. yes, nice flow and rhyming. thanks for your response to my first comment, sara.
    bri ;) (Report) Reply

  • Bri Edwards (2/14/2014 11:50:00 PM)

    [[[ i may be getting a reputation on PH as a naysayer, since i sometimes leave what some would call negative comments. i often leave suggestions, tips, and/or corrections in an effort to assist the author and the readers. anyone who finds this offensive or wishes me to put such material into a private message instead of in a public comment should (please) inform me of their desire(s) and i will try to comply. :) bri
    of course you may, i believe, delete my comment(s) altogether. ]]]
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    to the lake of life with it's daffodil sand error i might have made=it's for its
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    and dreams stayed watered by invisible rain [ I LIKE THIS ]
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    wispy mists [and this also; it reminds me of an alliteration and/or rhyme; it is easier to read silently, as it otherwise is sort of like a tongue-twister for me]
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    i enjoy rhymes, so i was pleased until the ending, even though the 'story' was not 'perfectly clear' to me. then: SHOCK! end of rhyming and my question is WHY? i don't insist on rhyming, think rhyming can be damaging to a poem if it is forced or not-so-great, AND sometimes i don't miss rhyming at all [[ if the poem is well-written enough and clear enough for me to understand ]].

    BUT, in these three ending lines, could 'we' make them rhyme/sound better to little old me [if it doesn't upset the story or the poet] by changing them


    And we'd make them our friends forevermore
    And we'd all live ever happy
    back behind the bronze door


    And we'd make them our friends forevermore
    and we'd all live ever happy, as before,
    back behind the big brass door. ? hmmm?

    thanks, Sara, for sharing the poem. bri :) (Report) Reply

  • Smoky Hoss (10/19/2013 4:42:00 PM)

    A spiritual gem of a poem indeed. All the wonder and magnitude of the metaphors flow so perfectly as to give the words a genuine glow of cosmic beauty. What a pleasure to read such fine writing! (Report) Reply

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