Because I Do Not Wish To Hope Again Poem by Gert Strydom

I

Because I do not wish to hope again,
to like an eagle spread my wings,
because I do not wish to gain
experience and to learn new things

and do not wish to soar up against the blue sky,
wondering what lies
beyond the scope of the vision of an eye
and with time in me all hope dies

why should I be afraid
when the darkness closes in,
when destiny has knotted my life in its braid
and I do not know what comes with the new morning?


II

Because am not the man I used to be
and the things of my youth now is of no interest
with age taking effect of my body
drawing me closer to the place of eternal rest

and on the other side of the beyond
there’s only darkness that I see
and to this ageing body I am bound with life’s bond
that is slowly leaving me

when the reality of life in death makes me aware
that life is only transitory,
that destiny has its impact everywhere
then as a tired man I still lift my eye to God in His glory.


III


Because the moments of tranquillity
have left me as if they have never been
and I am now enfolded in fragility
as if my eyes have never seen

the greatness beaconing on the other side of the beyond
as if no word or deed from me will last into eternity
as if no beauty, greatness I have found
or left a mark of my integrity or sincerity

I wonder what the reason for living is,
have difficulty to comprehend
what life holds
what pain, fear, joy and bliss
brings before the last of my life is spent?

IV

Because I know that time is running out,
that even a newborn child is bound to destiny
and it feels as if it’s no use to beg, pray or shout
as every single human being is covered in iniquity

I am left to pray to God for His mercy
and ask Him to let me forget the dreams, the plans and hope
that was once mine, and every single fallacy
that as a human being once did envelop

my mind, my heart and when His righteous judgement falls
may it be lenient as there is no way to live again
and deeds and words well meant become spent when death calls
as every human being is destined to walk the darkening plain

l’Envoi
to at an allotted time expected or unexpected depart from life
and even from the time of birth
the seeds of disaster and strive
are build into every human being living on this earth

and therefore I pray to meet You Lord
to experience the depth of your love
as is promised in Your eternal word
lifting my eyes to You who reign from above.


[Reference: Ash-Wednesday: I. “Because I do not hope to turn again” by T. S. Eliot.]