ONElia AVElar

Rookie - 12 Points (Bulgaria)

Beach


Fine, warm sand under the skin;
breeze playing with the long hair;
seagull`s yells and distant babel;
she feels invisible - stretched
on the overcrowded beach;
innocent, bare-back Eve
from the holy Bible.

Submitted: Friday, March 28, 2008
Edited: Friday, June 24, 2011

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Comments about this poem (Beach by ONElia AVElar )

  • Rookie Afzal Shauq (9/29/2009 2:31:00 AM)

    Fine, warm sand under the skin;
    breeze playing with the long hair;
    seagull`s yells and distant babel;
    she feels invisible - stretched
    on the overcrowded beach;
    innocent, bare-back Eve
    from the holy Bible.

    a great theme inter related to spritual saisfaction and symbolic way way of writing..like this type of poetry..your doing well and most of your poems are well written., .appreciate you (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 364 Points Indira Renganathan (6/24/2009 11:24:00 PM)

    A mood of trance...nice poem (Report) Reply

  • Rookie premji premji (5/15/2009 12:39:00 AM)

    a painting made of words.......... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Janice Windle (3/23/2009 4:11:00 PM)

    Surely a self-portrait, Onelia - you've captured the primitive feeling of joy, freedom and abandon to sensuality and the warm sun that one feels on a beach holiday... and I expect Adam was glad you were there too! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Sebastine Humaemo (2/4/2009 1:14:00 PM)

    Ahhh lovely write...short and sweet................10++ sebastine (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Constantinos Grigoriadis (1/29/2009 8:19:00 AM)

    Few words.
    Great meaning..
    NIce work! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Akram Awadat (1/15/2009 5:02:00 AM)

    very beatiful pice
    keep writing (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Tsira Goge (12/3/2008 11:24:00 AM)

    onelia, It is very beautiful and thin poems...10....

    Best wishes,
    Tsira (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 92 Points C. P. Sharma (11/18/2008 7:18:00 AM)

    Hail to thee blithe spirit!
    You sing the songs of bare being;
    The sun, the sea and the breeze,
    Like seagull, release the body's ring.
    CP (Report) Reply

  • Rookie David Desantis (9/26/2008 7:50:00 AM)

    onelia- it has been forever! It's great to see your still writing excellent poetry here...i like the way you make your point in only a few lines..i can imagine a beautiful eastern european woman lying on the beach, feeling free, and loving life...haha am i right? (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - -1 Points Ivan Donn Carswell (8/7/2008 11:01:00 PM)

    Sand under the skin in an atmosphere of Bibilical disonnance sets a classical scene - yet you rescue yourself with innocent(?) and timeless ingenuity! Rgds, Ivan (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 5 Points Paolo Giuseppe Mazzarello (6/7/2008 2:48:00 PM)

    Eve on the primordial beach. This author often feels estranged in crowded places. However here there's the sea element with all its appendages. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Emancipation Planz (5/16/2008 1:38:00 AM)

    Oh yes.. baskingly beautiful... there must be an apple placed somewhere.. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie R H (5/13/2008 6:22:00 AM)

    A wordpainting that has an emotional weight to it as the surroundings and the feelings of isolation in a crowded space are cleverly conveyed. There is a sense that the narrator is lost in a moment - alone in her own Eden perhaps unaware of everything else around her...justine. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 3 Points Original Unknown Girl (5/2/2008 11:30:00 AM)

    I agree with David. You've not wasted a word here, love the picture it paints in the mind. HG: -) xx (Report) Reply

  • Rookie David Desantis (4/29/2008 2:15:00 PM)

    the imagery is very intense, i picture a crowd of people, sun and laughter, and you isolated and alone. Perhaps contemplating a sin such as eve's original sin, has left you feeling like this on such a beautiful day? This is my favorite of your works so far 10/10 (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 166 Points Dr.subhendu Kar (4/19/2008 3:52:00 PM)

    yet not baleful by the breeze
    warmth still croons by the yell
    innocence when rocked up
    in the vale of tunes.................wonderful poem, breath still stops for a moment by the gloss, unique imagery yet lucid and thought provoking, well penned, it deseves 10+, thanks for sharing (Report) Reply

  • Rookie K. V. Venkataramana (4/12/2008 12:24:00 PM)

    I enjoyed reading this poem with its rich imagery. Thanks for sharing. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Howard Johnson (4/8/2008 9:04:00 AM)

    A real pleasure to read, Onelia, Thank you for sharing (Report) Reply

  • Rookie R.k Das (4/3/2008 7:25:00 AM)

    there are some poems
    which need to be read, appreciated
    silently, , , , and never commented, ,
    this is one of them,
    and you write such poems, , ,
    thanx (Report) Reply

Read all 21 comments »

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