Battle Of The Belly Bulge Poem by David Harris

You all had the adverts
that come through our email box
about fighting the battle of the bulge.
It’s not about the battle in World War 2
that they are talking about
it is the battle of the belly bulge.
The thing you get from eating
too much food or swilling too much beer.
It tends to send these things
to stick in just one place
and that is a little above the waist.
In some, the blubber wants to
hang over the edge
and then it seems you haven’t
got a waist at all.
They try to sell you miracle cures
that don’t work at all.
Go to the gym they say
the exercise will do the trick.
The problem there is that you
come out hungrier than you went in.
Now what do you do, tuck into another big pizza
and the circle goes around
and the bulge get even bigger.
Just to make things worse
is when you roll your way outside
and you see all these slim people
pass you in the street.
What is their secret I really want to know?
Here I am like Roly Poly
and they are like Streaky Bacon.
How do you do it I beg to know
for whenever I go bowling people like you
use me as the bowling ball.
I might knock down all the pins,
but I have to crawl back up the lane.
How do you do it I need to know?
I don’t want to be anymore
a gyms exercise ball.
Please, please tell me what the secret is?
There is no secret, no secret at all.
Eat anything you want but in moderation,
smaller portions that is and get plenty of exercise,
do a lot of walking.
Soon you will be able to see something
that you haven’t done in years,
YOUR TOES.


11 October 2009