Bald Poem by Nikhil Parekh

I didn't need shampoo to clean my scalp; instead a glass of tainted water could excellently do the job,
On the other hand you required tones of bubbly froth to cleanse your hair; evacuate the petulant granules of dandruff neatly entrapped between your follicles.

I didn't need gleaming hair oil to smear on my head; all I had to do was clap it loudly with my bohemian palms,
On the other hand you required swanky ointments; antiseptic creams to keep the
conglomerate of your hair well in place.

I didn't need scintillating scissors to use on my scalp; it would appear wholesomely ludicrous even if I held one in close proximity with it,
On the other hand you required a plethora of sharp instruments; pairs of intricate razors; in order to occasionally trim the unruly tentacles of your hair.

I didn't need a brush to part my scalp; as it nimbly obliged to my scrubbing it with a dust cloth,
On the other hand you required a luxuriously serrated comb; to Meticulously
entangle the incorrigible knots formed in your long hair.

I didn't need to camouflage my scalp with a taut piece of cloth every time I
ventured out; as there was no danger of the wind blowing it away,
On the other hand you required to embellish yourself with a grandiloquent cap;
a host of flapping sunshades; in order to ensure that the thin wisps of your
hair didn't rip apart with the tenacious breeze.

I didn't need to incessantly browse my hands through my scalp; while attending
pompous parties,
On the other hand you required to sporadically run your fingers against your
cuticles; making sure that they remained stringently aligned.

I didn't need to wash my scalp after bathing in the saline ocean; instead let
it to dry over a natural course of time,
On the other hand it was inevitable for you to stand beneath a steaming shower; to annihilate all the poignant salt trapped in your greasy hair.

I didn't need to consume a battalion of salubrious vitamins to make my scalp
glisten; simply standing under the blazing sun itself; granted it an enchanting shine,
On the other hand you desperately required to procure every tonic available in
the market; to impregnate an artificial luster in your lifeless hair.

I didn't need to submerge my scalp into ravishing cologne to get noticed;
people profoundly admired the openness of my head wherever I went,
On the other hand you used to apply the most enticing of gel on your lackadaisical hair; and yet remained unnoticed.

I didn't need to coat my scalp with black chemicals; intermittently apply a
blend of paint and water to keep it in shape,
On the other hand you were exorbitantly conscious about the greyness in your
hair; painting it with brilliant dye; remained busy all day trying to pluck the
insipid strands of white.

Therefore it is my earnest prayer to you O! omnipresent Creator; to create me
without hair for the next 100 births; if I fortunately took birth on this soil as man,
For I considered myself infinite times luckier to remain bald; than suffer
from the unrelenting tyranny of possessing clusters of bushy hair.