Back To Normal? Poem by Sandra Sando

Will there ever be a time again in this life of mine
When my heart, just like the sun, will finally begin to shine
To feel comfort in the warming rays that filter through the clouds
I long for the day when my body feels free
Not enveloped in a shroud.

Although to the world I look like me
There's an invisible cloak that no one can see
Under this cloak there's my whole other world
Filled with feelings of loss that I dare not unfurl.
Wrapped in my cloak I feel some protection
From well meaning friends who offer affection.

I can't afford to let down my guard
For if I do it would be very hard
For me to talk freely about the effects that grief
Has on bereaved parents - how it rocks their beliefs.

Living with grief we all must find a way
To get up each morning and live through each day
I can't explain just how I get through
All I know is I'm surprised I'm still here
Since losing you.

This person you see is not the old me
So many changes that you just can't see
My smile's not so wide and doesn't reach my eyes
My face aches sometimes with trying hard not to cry.

My mind and my body don't feel like my own
So tired all the time and every joint groans
Is it my age, my grief or both
Whatever it is I find that I loathe
To be this way and wish that I could
Bring you back home to be with me - for good!