At The Center Where Ends Could Not Meet Poem by Serina Alonzo

I.

You know I'm not ready to face you.
You're reckless, unbelievable, of a good sort.

II.

You know I'm not ready to face you, and you know
How terribly I pretend. You might be too tired
Or too busy. I might clock in at a wrong time, and I'm afraid
You won't welcome me (do not believe this) . You know I’m afraid.
Whatever today welcomed in its dawning,
I force to leave immediately. It has to leave, right away.
It infects me to long for you. You know
I won't see you (do not believe this either) . Currents: they confuse
A steady weather. Maybe the air today was too cold or the sun
Too high up that my inner landscape beheld currents, and I dislike
A part of it for being too excited. “Not yet! ” says Side A, the cautious.
The other side knows how it should not believe in a velvet lie.
Two sides of the matter, poker-facing each other...

III.

You know yesterday can't repeat itself,
Yet I dare not believe it. Believe this: I cannot have another lie,
Another fight, another heartbreak, another day
To start to love to end in hate, or another night
To dream of forever to end in waiting for nothing. I do not want
A repetition of yesterday; yesterday is days
Or months or years ago. I may have hated you years ago,
Fought with you months ago, or tried to forget about you
Days ago, but each day tells of a different story—a better story perhaps
Than its yesterday's: Yesterday, I may have loved you years ago,
Hugged you months ago, and remembered (dreamed about) you
Days ago, and you know why I'm not ready to face you.
We are doomed to forget and remember, hate and love…

IV.

Break it at the center, now, to end it with me. Do not break ends
To let ends meet again, or if you must, do not do it too fast.
Either end it now, or straighten it up and tighten it up to last…
You know I'm not (yet) ready to face you. Do not do it too fast.
You know that deep inside, you, too, would want to make this last...

V.

There was a time you knew the things
I wanted to do or say and I did not have to speak
When speaking was hard, mentally and emotionally.
The brain and the heart are two ends that do not meet.
Let me try something. It's your turn to speak.
Stand with me at the center (of loving and hating,
Of remembering and forgetting) , and choose
Which way you want to go. Go on… Which side of the line?

VI.

Stand with me at the center and I know that you know
That between all our thinking and feeling,
We found a way to mend the gap by a touch
Of a finger… You know how that goes.
Months ago, I fought with you, maybe physically. Months ago, I hugged you.
Somewhere along the line where ends could not meet,
We found a way to forge a linkage, temporarily,
Although not even quite. At the center was where hate
Definitely turned into love, and we turned days ago of forgetting
To days ago of remembering. Could you
Stand at the center with me again and stay (please)
Where ends could not meet, again and again?
And then we could learn to live and love again,
And then we could try to make this love last
At the center...

VII.

You know I'm not ready to face you
Until I can be sure that you and I could last.
Until then, the currents will always confuse,
And the pretenses, continue to build.

VIII.

Yet must we stay at the center if love
Need not be forgotten, and if love could be true,
Peaceful, and healing (instead of it being another lie,
Another fight, and another heartbreak) ? Walk with me, today,
To a love, to the side,
That has no end.