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kibrom habtu

Rookie - 1 Points (ethiopia)

At 2: 39 am


In the gloomy silence of the night
I found my self laying against the grass
I joined fear and hate in the eyes of angry love’s light
Love which I fear, vanished
And death which I hate longed for me
In my mind I wondered if I remain forgotten
In my vein no blood‘s deed did hasten
I am weak
And I must die here
Under these leaves, under the canopy of these leaves where I could see
My undying life be mortal and I saw with no deep eyes so paler
The untroubled cold soul comforting death as so moving mellow voice of the wind to my ears did hover
And yet, this bleeding soul crept across fleeing…unarmed
I, on this day, thought as my passing days turn slowly in to nights, death and I will bond
As I cast my self to the endless dreams beyond
Soon I will die
And Hear upon my will I must lay
But how sudden does it hurt to die?

I shall die hear
Under these trees, under this shadow less of pine trees where I might hear
The shallowness of my breath at the edge of thy ear
As the silence of the night speaks to my heart that no longer holds blood
The smell of the cold air lingers as I wonder in my empty head
Have I not parted yet?
Ethiopia, my land, immerse my soul with this dreadful death
And let me die

Submitted: Friday, July 15, 2011
Edited: Monday, August 22, 2011

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Comments about this poem (At 2: 39 am by kibrom habtu )

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  • Rookie - 1 Points Kranthi Pothineni (11/28/2011 1:39:00 AM)

    You captured pain and feel very well in your poem. Got good flow and rhythm too. Unfortunately its not so moving even though you got the feel in this poem. Finally ending is not so appealing to me. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Lail Reveal (10/8/2011 1:34:00 PM)

    this poem reflects a deep emotion of a heart, where a person sees nothing but darkness and pain yet holds hope even though it seems impossible (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 39 Points To Windward (9/5/2011 3:41:00 PM)

    Kibrom, while I don't doubt the sincerety of your angst, the poem doesn't really explain your pain and sorrow. The text is full of woe and self pity but doesn't describe what it is that really pains you. Just what is it about this person that was so special? If the poem explained this, the reader might have more empathy. As it stands, the work seems overly dramatic and self centred, which I don't think does justice to your intent. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Wendy Thopliss (9/5/2011 4:38:00 AM)

    This is a very interesting, powerful write. You have pulled these words from the bottom of your heart. Great write Kibrom. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Chitra - (9/5/2011 3:19:00 AM)

    deep, penetrating thoughts...heart-wrenching words and expressions. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 61 Points Vipins Puthooran (8/24/2011 1:54:00 PM)

    Hi, a very good poem like the blood thicker than water and the life is heavier than death...keep writing.. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 91 Points Wang Qian (8/23/2011 9:56:00 AM)

    I m deeply moved by the poem...very touching and calmly expresses the hidden as well as some bit pale meaning in life...wonderful and honest writing! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 689 Points Tiku . (8/23/2011 6:39:00 AM)

    the poem shows the depth of talent you have to show your feeling.very nice.beautiful work.liked it. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Chantelle Ribeiro (8/16/2011 12:59:00 PM)

    Hi Kibrom... I read your poem... It is very melancholic, a feeling most of us are familiar with, where everyone at some time in their lives thought - wouldn't death be sweeter than life? Can we carry on with the burden of living, when all we have sometimes is fear... where pain is a reality and to some who understand an everyday emotion we have to deal with... Specially the 'sensitive' souls... I 'got' your poem, I understood... It is a beautiful poem with lots of potential... You are so young and at that age where everything is new and scary and real... I - as a sensitive woman - worry a little about how deep your pain lies and am glad you shared these words... As a poet I do have one criticism though, just check your spelling a little - like the word 'hear' should be here and 'under this leaves' should be these leaves... just a little thing and I hope you will take it as it is meant - with respect... I liked it a lot and I think you have rare talent... Do not stop! Good Luck and should you need any help, contact me! Kind Regards - Chantelle (Report) Reply

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