Sara Tehrani

Rookie (1987)

Artificial Coma

Title was given to me by a good friend of mine Pam.

The flowers we planted need to see the sun today
So unravel the sheets and wash the stains away
Off your sweet skin, step out of the lay
The flowers we planted need to see the sun today

The pretty birds you caged we need to let free
Before the pretty birds cage in you and me
To the place where light is lost no day
The pretty birds you caged we need to let free today

What is this artificial coma I see you have embedded?
When I can feel the springs of the mattress drilling into your lifeless bones
I hear your silent lip trembling as the voice shrills and moans
What is this artificial coma I see you have embedded?

Is it where your home is? Or are you a little lost?
Is it sweet and sunny there or just rain and frost?
I haven’t seen you for quite a while
All I want is to see you and to see you smile
I haven’t touched your skin
Will you ever break the artificial coma and let the world in?

Submitted: Saturday, November 28, 2009
Edited: Thursday, January 26, 2012


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  • Rookie - 864 Points Liliana ~el (2/6/2014 8:49:00 PM)

    Wow, this is deep.
    Sorrow, desperation
    Yearning and pleading
    Before the pretty birds cage in you and me...
    I haven’t seen you for quite a while...
    Will you ever break the artificial coma and let the world in?
    A relationship seemingly intensely close, yet, at the same time the individual feels so distant, like the companion has drifted and faded away, beneath cold, lifeless walls.
    The unknown trance is haunting. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 369 Points Stephen W (2/6/2014 4:47:00 PM)

    Writing rhymes is not that tough,
    I can cook up all that stuff;
    The hard bit is to make sense as well
    Not lure the reader into a hell
    Of puzzling poetic blather. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 281 Points Daniel Y. (2/6/2014 10:02:00 AM)

    I feel like the artificial coma is a symbol for the barrier between a person and them knowing you. Maybe romantic, but maybe just an honest desire for human contact. the springs drilling into his lifeless bones. Genius! I really liked this poem. Please read some of mine! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 650 Points Leslie Philibert (2/6/2014 6:03:00 AM)

    Like this too, it is difficult to sustain original rhymes over four lines. It falls apart a bit in the last stanza. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Edgar Sinoff (2/6/2013 11:02:00 AM)

    as Sara replied I'm blown away that any body able to profit $7742 in one month on the computer. did you see this web page (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,442 Points Veeraiyah Subbulakshmi (2/6/2013 7:22:00 AM)

    knowing the plants that we planted need some sunlight, not to get fungus,
    knowing the caged birds of our countries will cage us without ambush,
    knowing the difficulty, we too moan and tremble in confusion,
    we are still in the artificial coma and we have to wake up and smile.
    Nice to read! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 314 Points Hardik Vaidya (2/6/2013 3:57:00 AM)

    I am awe struck by your reach. Mellifluous and melancholy. Soft and yet so hard hitting. Gentle yet biting sharp. Sunny yet bitterly cold. It is almost certain to me that you have seen, met her, talked to her, not just over a cup of coffee or a couple of beers but you have grown up with her. As a sibling, a neighbours kid, a best friend, an old pal, you have known life and this poem is a testimony to it. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 6 Points Naseer Ahmed Nasir (12/8/2009 11:34:00 PM)

    I fully agreed with Saadat and L.P.alexanders. It's really a beautiful poem, probably the best one I have read this morning, constructed so well in a real artful and delicate manner. Well done, Sara...10/10.
    Best Wishes.

    Naseer (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 888 Points Saadat Tahir (12/2/2009 3:20:00 AM)

    absoluetly beautiful
    wonder why there arent more comments
    its done very very well
    the content presentationand flow are just superb.... rightly be proud of it

    well done

    ten and cheers (Report) Reply

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