Anguish Poem by Namita Rani Panda

On the occasion of World Cancer Day on 4th February
ANGUISH
So delighted I was
looking at my curves
in the mirror in my Spring!
So shy and thrilled I was noticing
the springing hallmarks of womanhood
while disrobing in the bath!
I was proud and confident of my being.

Me lady love
and heart throb of my love,
loved to lose me
in the game of love
while he pressing
his bare breast against mine
fondly fondled me and
with the beating of his beats
I lost myself in him.

So superb and sweet
was the feeling while
the milk of maternity
was sucked by little bundle of life
with his little loving lips
and I felt the whole world on my palm
pressing my babe
close to my bare bosom!

But alas!
A little lump!
Changed was my life.
Shattered were my dreams.
Mammography
followed by mastectomy,
Therapies after therapies
with biting mental agony
surpassing the physical suffering.

The lustre of the Spring
turned to Autumn.
How funny is the
solace of having substitutes!
Have a flat breast
use external prothesis
take off and put on
as per wish!
Or go for a breast reconstruction.

And the substitute I choose
to construct new breast mounds
with my tummy tissues.
Though with scars and
sans sensation
I felt whole
while they are hidden
under the clothes

But my confidence collapsed.
My pride as a woman dashed to the dust.
The heavy flesh mounds I carry
are sans sensation.
No more love game,
no feeding of my babe
Cancer ate up not only my breasts,
but also my motherhood,
my womanhood,
my life.
And I am a living dead
sans happiness, hope and life.