Alternative Lyrics # 1 (The Panty Man) Poem by Barry Van Allen

It's two O'clock on a Saturday,
and the regular bunch stumbles out,
There's a young man far away from me,
who was spry, but He finally passed out!

I'm not young, but I have a few memories,
from back when I used to smoke dope,
It was short, although sweet,
and I knew them complete...
When my friend wore his wife's panty hose!

You play along, your'e the panty man,
even if they are too tight,
your boxers on her, are still looking good - Sir,
but, her panties on you don't seem right!

In the John by the throne is a friend of mine,
He's giving back drinks for free,
He swears it's no joke,
and he'd much rather croak,
That means nothing to those that must pee!

Still, I believe this is ludicrous,
she knows they do not fit you well,
she want's you to dance, and to shuffle and prance,
and you would rather be burning in Hell!

You call yourself a surealist,
as you try to hold on to your wife,
she knows your'e her ' Boy - Toy ',
... and that she is in charge,
and probably will be for life!

You are waiting for just the right moment,
to tell all the guys at the docks,
you are sure there are others,
and if they had their 'druthers' ,
they'd be home by 7 o'clock.

But, you play along...
Your'e the ' Panty - man ',
even if they are too tight,
your boxers on her are still looking good, Sir,
but, her panties on you don't seem right!

She's pretty proud of her fantasy,
and gives you a wink and a smile,
then she opens the drapes - - -
and exposes your grapes, in her panties...
... The neighbors go wild!

They start clapping, and cheering, and pointing,
and you just want to run for the hills,
but , you run to the courts,
and you file for divorce,
making sure you are still in her will!

You will always be known as the ' Panty - Man ',
even though they are too tight,
your boxers on her are still looking good, Sir,
but, her panties on you don't seem right!