Alone With The Music Poem by faith toney

I may miss him when im living
and im fine when im surrounded by my friends
but when left alone the pain comes in an overpowering wave
the splash affect takes my body by surprise
my body can not endure the heaviness of him
crushed under pressure
with the music playing and alone
the tears tend to surface
my whole complete self esteem is demolished
I break what’s left of my heart
I can not hold the grief in any longer
I may of hurt him but he hurts me everyday unaware
and still uncaring towards me
I want the past to surface to the time when I was happy
still I wont get what I want
and that leaves me and my body so exhausted
covered in a mask so thick
no one see the real me cry every night
I look upon Gods creation and pray into the fields of stars
wishing for my miracle to happen
he will not return to me but only in dreams
conscious and unconscious
I live with the mistakes of yesterday today
and future more
for the pain is real and slowly reducing
which scares me even more
what happens when there’s no more pain to reduce
will I be finally free from loving him
could it be possible to actually let go
will my body’s functions return
will I close up because he opened me
he opened me to the world of love
he let me in once but no returns are given