After Six Beers Poem by Thomas Vaughan Jones

I was tired and feeling quite thirsty
so I walked to the nearest bar,
where I met this peculiar woman
who was looking a shade under par.

She approached me and said to me, “Darling,
will you buy me just one little drink? ”
Then she smiled an odd smile, “It will be worth your while”
and she winked a libidinous wink.

Her nose had a shape like a corkscrew.
Her mouth was decidedly weak.
Her hair was quite thin, except that on her chin,
and she had a big boil on her cheek.

I bought her a drink out of pity.
We sank back a noggin or two.
Then to my great surprise, when I noticed her eyes,
they were big, and amazingly blue.

The third and the fourth glass were emptied.
We shared a deep glance after five.
This woman it seems was the girl of my dreams,
she was vibrant, exciting, alive.

The sixth drink went down in a hurry,
disposed of with unseemly haste.
With one thought in my head, we were off to her bed,
and there wasn’t a moment to waste.

We spent a mad night full of passion.
Her kisses were mingled with magic.
I awoke the next dawn with a sigh and a yawn
to a sight that was dreadfully tragic.

She was bald as a boiled egg at breakfast,
just the ugliest girl in the land.
But she’d killed the romance when she started to dance
and her leg came away in my hand.

Now she grinned from a glass on the table.
I took note of the scene and I wept,
as I shuffled away, at the break of the day,
to the sound of her snores while she slept.