Khristian E. Kay

(1962 - / Milwaukee, WI USA)

Adventures of Nerd Boy: Little Redheaded Girl


This is kind of like that experience
that time back at school with Linda Wesner
You know…

Linda: she was that pretty redheaded girl
y'know the one who was the raison d’etre and bane
of Charlie Brown’s existence
We all know that girl
our own pretty redheaded girl
Maybe she wasn’t Linda maybe she didn’t have red hair
and maybe she wasn’t a girl at all
maybe she was that suave chevalier guy - Phil Lee
The highschool boy who was the raison d’etre
or bane of your existence

This was when the pretty redheaded girl
smiled at me and so I go to school
and make a fool out of myself everyday
because the pretty redheaded girl smiled at me
And now I’m trying to get her attention
And really she is a sweet girl
not meaning to be devious or anything
and she smiles more laughs at my jokes
she says something in passing like
“If I didn’t have a boyfriend blah blah blah”
Then one day she doesn’t have her boyfriend
and I hear this news and go like
“oh yes! ”

In school I do my best jester routines
for the pretty redheaded girl who smiled at me
And she sees me and begins to wonder about
all of this attention being lavished and why
am I being so weird and then
it dawns on her: “If I didn’t have a blah blah blah”
And she gets to thinking
‘Did he think I was serious? ’
No? Yes? No… Because see
she wasn’t serious
this was just something pretty redheaded girls say
to weird nerd boys
Knowing it would never come true
Everybody knew it would never come true
except obviously nerd boy
But everyone knows that pretty redheaded girls
Don’t date nerd boys
Especially nerd boys even though
They order corsages
and even though there were two tickets for the
“You light up my life” or
“Castles in the Sand”
themed prom everybody knew

and even though dad had put on his
best cardigan the hunter green one with the
burgundy and tan stripe down the left
side with that crazy 1950s be bop stitching
fluer de lis everybody knew

I mean why in the world would he ever
think that she: the pretty redheaded girl
would find him a suitable suitor
I mean really
So even though the pretty redheaded girl
who smiled at you was a good girl
(except for that one time under the bleachers with Phil
But that was just the one isolated incident)
And she wasn’t mean
And she wasn’t devious
she realizes that she needs to distance herself
that she needs to devise a plan
to make nerd boy go away
since nerd boy could not read the social clues
And the signs and followed her about
nipping at her ankles
She had to distance herself from him

and even though his best friends were hiding behind
the evergreen shrubs next to the porch
but out of the light
and mom whipped up her special
simulated crab dip with cream cheese and Raasch’s
homemade cocktail sauce fresh from the jar
nerd boy knew
that when she made this compliment
It was not even a half-hearted gesture
Because everyone in the world knows
that she would never go out with a nerd boy
especially nerd boy

so even though he had rented his burgundy tux
with the hot pink piping from the Sears “Fine Young
Gentleman’s Store” and buffed his
burgundy and cream platform saddle shoes
nerd boy knew he wasn’t going to the prom
with the pretty little redheaded girl or
anyone else

And therefore when the pretty redheaded girls say
“If I didn’t have a boyfriend I would be all over you.”

It’s just something seems safe to say

yeah this is kind of like that.


©2005 All rights reserved

Submitted: Tuesday, January 29, 2008

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