Diane Hine

Silver Star - 3,398 Points (25 July 1956)

A View

The narrow path towards Mt Toolbrunup
inclines through fragrant green enclosing wood.
He forged ahead, I kept up best I could.
A tumbled boulder slope leads ever up.

A wall of shale and quartzite borders right
and white mist tendrils slipped across its face.
I turned for one last gaze, as cool embrace
of cloud bathed all things near in pallid light.

The peak was wrapped in solitary peace.
We sat on massive thicket creviced slabs,
all patched with hard white crinkled lichen scabs,
in arbitrary mountain clime's caprice.

I lingered when he left for just a while,
a space to sample isolation's charms.
Then down the slick wet rocks ungainly style,
discreet descent on rear end, heels and palms.

We missed the view and so we have avowed
to reach that veiled unbounded space again
and maybe if we're fortunate, well then…
once more, we'll sit within a mountain's cloud.

Submitted: Friday, August 31, 2012

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Comments about this poem (A View by Diane Hine )

  • Gold Star - 10,098 Points Fabrizio Frosini (1/23/2015 10:39:00 AM)

    climbing the top of the mountain.. bringing the opposites together.. but not a view over the skyline and the valley below, when you sit there, only a ''veiled unbounded space''.. but again, sitting within that cloud, makes you somehow happy..

    I see in this poem of yours a fascinating quest..
    Maybe the one called.. ''most advanced scientific research''..? :)

    Thanks for sharing, Diane

    and.. I've added your poem to MyPoemList (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 11,729 Points Kim Barney (11/4/2014 6:21:00 PM)

    Wonderful! I love being in this mountains and this poem made me feel like I was right there with you. I've also done my share of slipping and sliding down slick hillsides.
    Very nicely done. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,409 Points Kay Staley (11/4/2014 10:09:00 AM)

    Nope...I just cant like this poem. Nice try though. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 2,912 Points Abekah Emmanuel (11/4/2014 8:50:00 AM)

    congrats for winning the poem of the day! this is a beautiful output. Well done! (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 5,396 Points Savita Tyagi (11/4/2014 8:28:00 AM)

    I lingered when he left for just a while,
    a space to sample isolation's charms. Beautiful poem on mountain climb.Little encounters in Nature's abounding lap....total bliss. Enjoyed so much. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 5,396 Points Savita Tyagi (11/4/2014 8:25:00 AM)

    I lingered when he left for just a while,
    a space to sample isolation's charms. Beautiful poem on mountain climb.Little encounters in Nature's abounding lap....total bliss. Enjoyed so much. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 2,463 Points John Richter (11/4/2014 7:50:00 AM)

    Most vividly described encounter with a pretty rigorous trail! Enjoyed this much. Just two weeks ago I found myself face down on a similar trail after having slipped on wet fallen leaves....
    My knee still hurts but it enjoys the company! (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,321 Points Patricia Grantham (11/4/2014 7:12:00 AM)

    A beautiful poem on a view from the mountains.
    The climb and descent was soothing. Good read. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 7,033 Points Frank Avon (11/4/2014 2:33:00 AM)

    I can only second the comments made by Roseann and Daniel below. So very few modern poets handle rhyme well and regular rhythms and meters. You certainly do. I rarely like contemporary rhyming poems, for they usually seem so artificial. Not yours. Your tone and imagery perfectly capture a scene (one we envy your having experienced) , and your rhythms and rhymes simply echo the naturalness of your style. I certainly shall seek out others of your poems. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 15,287 Points Roseann Shawiak (10/1/2014 5:16:00 PM)

    Excelllent imagery, I could feel myself walking behind you, noticing everything as you pointed it out! I like how the white mist tendrils slipped across it's face. Fascinating poem, all that climbing and clouds bathing everything so you couldn't see the view. Would love to read the poem where you ascend the mountain again and see the view, I bet it will be spectacular! ! Thank you for this wonderful poem through nature. RoseAnn (Report) Reply

    Gold Star - 7,033 Points Frank Avon (11/4/2014 2:25:00 AM)

    And thank you for this perceptive comment.

  • Gold Star - 8,397 Points Daniel Brick (9/28/2014 2:10:00 PM)

    Your closing reference to sitting within a mountain's cloud wowed me - I love the bringing together of opposites, the fragile, almost transparent cloud and the heavy opaque mountain. During the ascent your plant references gave me a vivid sense of place, and I almost felt a lightness as they ascended as if there was very little effort involved. That may not be true literally but it's how this journey upward drew me out of myself. I like the open-endedness - we do not really see the vista so there is the promise of another ascent. In fact, that's what I take from this poem - the joy of ascending, the need to keep ascending. I have breathed the air of an alien place made familiar through your words! You see I HAD to return to this poem: it nourishes me. (Report) Reply

    Gold Star - 7,033 Points Frank Avon (11/4/2014 2:42:00 AM)

    Daniel, I wrote a long comment praising your comment - which is perceptive, as usual - but the computer lost it (it's always the ocmputer's fault, not mine) . Maybe I'll try again one of these days, but right now
    I can't reproduce my response, because I'm too irritated. Sorry.

  • Gold Star - 8,397 Points Daniel Brick (4/25/2014 11:03:00 AM)

    The simplicity of the title drew me to this poem and the poem amply rewarded me with multiple views as you and your guide climb from the lowlands to the heights. Your descriptions of the natural world are vivid with sights, fragrances and textures - very sensory, very immediate, a palpable experience made possible by your patient detailing of each phase of the ascent. The last stanza is a wonder! WITHIN A MOUNTAIN'S CLOUD combines the heaviness of rock with the lightness of air in a complex, startling moment. I have taken this poem inside of me. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Thomas Carolan (3/22/2014 5:31:00 PM)

    well thought out poem good skill in moments of movement i can only imagine (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 369 Points Stephen W (2/22/2014 2:32:00 PM)

    Like this very much. Very skilled. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 13,873 Points * Sunprincess * (11/4/2013 10:47:00 AM)

    this poem is nicely written, it captured my attention again... also reminds me of the views on the cherohala skyway...
    would love to have seen the view which inspired this write... love the poem :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 172 Points Gillian Commerford (11/4/2013 9:02:00 AM)

    very good, will read more. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 7,369 Points Lyn Paul (11/4/2013 8:05:00 AM)

    What a picture you have painted for us all. Thankyou (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 13,873 Points * Sunprincess * (9/14/2012 10:24:00 PM)

    wow...i bet this was a most spectacular view...love it... :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Constance K Yost (9/7/2012 7:54:00 PM)

    Fantastic poem-could have been written only by someone who was there.I'm afraid to get on a ladder, yet I
    enjoyed this adventurous writing. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 534 Points Chandra Thiagarajan (9/6/2012 12:15:00 PM)

    An excellent poem.Description is fantastic.I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks and best wishes (Report) Reply

Read all 28 comments »

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