A Vegetarian's Nightmare Poem by Sandra Martyres

A Vegetarian's Nightmare

Rating: 4.5


Ram the ever affable Indian
And a very strict vegetarian
Courageously agreed to dine
With his overseas colleagues
At a popular Chinese Eatery
Situated in the heart of the city

He had no idea what to expect
To his complete and utter dismay
On entering the stylish restaurant
While strange flavours greeted him
His dining partners seemed at ease
They did not even notice him squirming

As they waited to be seated
Ram noticed a waiter approaching
A nearby table with a live wriggling crab
That fascinated the children who kept
Touching it against parental advice
Ram was clearly in the wrong place

His dining nightmare had just begun
His first reaction was to up and run
But given his over polite disposition
He shut his eyes and sat at the table
Pleading with all the Gods that
There would be no more live crab calls

Soon he was shaken out of his reverie
When asked to place his starter order
The Steward recommended shark fin soup
Ram, in an embarrassed voice mentioned
That he was a pure vegetarian and after
A lot of explanations the steward left

While the group waited to be served
Animated conversations followed
Chinese food being the topic for discussion
Ram tried to distance himself from the subject
Until someone described a monkey brain delicacy
With all the gory graphic presentation details

The speaker got carried away and continued
Speaking unendingly on this culinary rarity
He aired his views and those of his friends too
By which time Ram was absolutely appalled
He forgot about being polite and literally
Jumped off his seat and ran for his life

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Kesav Easwaran 31 October 2009

Food and food habits differ place to place country to country tribe to tribe...to remain a Vegetarian is always good but if you are in a country where poeple are brought up on Non-veg delicacies it's okay for them...it must be okay for others as well in admitting it...this having said, i do appreciate the humour there and the good narrative style...an enjoyable read

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Ramesh T A 31 October 2009

What a pitiable situation for a misfit in an odd place! He should have ordered for noodles soup, very nice to taste in Chinese restaurants!

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Carl Harris 31 October 2009

A delightfully witty and humorous poem about a situation many vegetarians often find themselves in, Sandra. Being a strict vegetarian in a meat-eating world is quite a battle, and sometimes traumatic experience, although I would think the Chinese restraunts are well prepared for most vegetarian requests as they are well known for purely vegetarian dishes, at least here in the US. Your fine poem was a delight to read and quite charming, except for poor Ram! Carl.

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this poem is fine.. i laughed. i could see him running... id run too if i heard about monkey brains delicacies, and im a meatatarian.

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Sonya Florentino 31 October 2009

poor chap! ....i am reminded of a commercial I once saw in some obscure cable channel...an ad for a sea-food restaurant that boasts of the freshest sea food literally just fished from the ocean...a waiter brings in the prized dish...a fried fish quickly deep-fried in oil but only half of it, the end part (the tail) is still wagging! Please, someone tell me it was just a hoax! !

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Brian Taylor 12 January 2010

MALINEE Malinee’s father took her to China. There was a reception in their honour. A monkey was brought in and put on the table. It was alive. Its body filled its cage; the head stuck out of the top. Everyone watched. The monkey’s head was carefully shaved. The top of its skull was chopped off. Wine was poured into the exposed brain. It was still alive. The guests used their chopsticks to select pieces of brain. They put them in their mouths sucking out the taste of the wine. Eventually, the monkey died. Malinee was horrified. Then Malinees’s father took her to Singapore. There was a reception in their honour. A large bowl was brought in with giant prawns. They were alive. The chef poured alcohol onto the prawns. They jumped up and down drunkenly. Then he lit a match and the bowl filled with flame. The prawns died and were cooked in the same instant. Malinee was horrified. Malinee’s servant brings fish (and prawns) from the market. Malinee eats these. They are already dead. That makes all the difference. To whom? Brian

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Meggie Gultiano 10 November 2009

You are very good at this, Sandra.Very humorous, indeed.Poor Ram Lol..He should have told the one who invited him in the first place that he is a vegetarian..Anyway, that's a pleasing or should I say, very sad food experience..Ha ha.. Now, you bet me me here in my piece, BAD HAIR DAYS.. A pleasure and I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for making me laugh tonight..

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Mamta Agarwal 09 November 2009

very humourous and interesting story. As i am a vegetarian, i had an experience similar to this in a chinese restaurant having a sea food festival. Unlike Ram ran away from the entrance door itself. Normally i am tolerant. Mamta

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Great poem Sandra with many laughs along it's fabulous story line. I have a friend who is a Vegetarian and is also allergic to garlic and as so many vegetarian dishes have garlic to give the vegetables more flavor she finds it really difficult to find anything to order. I can just imagine Ram's horror at what confronted him! 10 love Karin

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Raj Nandy 04 November 2009

You have conveyed a vegetarian's nightmare humorously through your poetry! 10! -Raj

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