A Spectacular Event! Poem by AtreyaSarma Uppaluri

(1)

I’ve been frantically searching
For my misplaced glasses
For the last twenty minutes…

(2)

[Some flashback]

Unless I put them
Either in their case
Or at their usual place
I invariably forget
Where I left them;
Unless while doing so
I remind myself twice.

“Are some of my memory nerves
Remotely networked in my specs? ”
Often so I wonder
As I tend to blunder.
Oops!
Out of place, out of mind!

Sometimes
When I frenetically
Try to locate my eyeglasses,
And the search is barren
I wish I had another pair
So as to look for the mislaid one.

[Ends the flashback]

(3)

Now
My office time is nearly up
And my BP is shooting up.
I move about restless
Hither and thither
Trying to trace my spectacles.

Failing to recall where I had put them
Before going for bath,
I throw tantrums
And moan and groan
Fret and fume
Howl and growl
Hum and haw.

Rattled,
And converging,
They snap in chorus:
“Are you searching for your spare lenses? ”
“No, I’m only trying to find the original pair
So that I can rummage
And ferret out the spare one
At my leisure, in the evening.”

My wife curiously gazes at me
Shoos away the children to school
And offers me a helping hand.
“I think, I’ve seen it somewhere;
Just give me a couple of minutes, ”
She assures,
“I will nose it out
And get it back, ”
And pauses to add a rider
“But it costs a present! Ok? ”

(4)

“Oh, anything you wish, ” I said
“Don’t be so strong on my weak point;
Please don’t be too unreasonable
In these days of relentless recession, right? ”
Trying to dilute her lurking greediness.

She flits across
Waltzing into this and that room
This niche and that alcove
And then glides back after a couple of minutes.

“I made a quick prayer to my goddess
And she answered it, kindly and instantly, ”
She recounted, and went on giving her directions,
“There is some ceremonial to follow
Listen carefully, missing not a word
And obey the instructions meticulously”

(5)

“Stand-at-Attention! ” she ordered
And I followed suit.

“Jack your right arm up!
Jerk your left arm down!
Straight and upright!
Like a ramrod! ”
Everything I executed
Recalling the NCC experience
Of my college days.

“Abracadabra! Abracadabra!
Abracadabra! Abracadabra!
It’s right over here! Very much! ”
She chanted in a tempting tone
As I stood transfixed
Staring at her in anticipation.

“Now release your hands,
Relax…and take three normal breaths.”
Duly obeyed.

“Now… Stand-at-Attention!
And… Yell ‘Eureka’, ” she commanded
As I stiffened back and complied at once.

“Now…Stand-at-Ease!
And…Cover your face
With your hands! ”
And I carried them out…

“! ? ! Jeez, silly me! ? !
Oh, no! Uh! Ouch! ...Hmm…
Anyway, thank you, ”
Sheepishly
And weakly
I muttered
Flushing and blushing.

“Mumbling of thanks won’t do,
My beloved bespectacled hero!
When you return and eventually come near
You should emplace in my hand
Some generous otto of roses
Of Bulgarian Damask variety
Or fix an haute gold hoop on my Nubian nose! ”
She winked and blinked and clucked
Leaving me in a glazed puzzlement.

[Sep 02,2009: : Greenfield, WI]