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Aditi Khandelwal

Rookie - 1 Points (December 27 1997)

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A Runaway


‘Is there a problem darling? ’
‘Just leave me alone mom! ’
She banged the door on her mom’s innocent blink
........................
........................
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  • Rookie - 94 Points Aman Arora (7/3/2014 6:47:00 AM)

    A very difficult art to narrate a story in verse. You pulled it quite well. And brought the right emotions into your poetry. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Dean Bottomley (4/14/2014 5:08:00 AM)

    I might feel the emotion in your poem a lot more than some as I am 18 and have thoughts about running away from things I couldn’t handle and couldn’t change. it is a very powerful piece of writing, thank you (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 393 Points Michelle Claus (4/13/2014 10:18:00 PM)

    Affecting poem. Looking over the first two stanzas, I'm curious as to why she wanted to run away from home and from school. Icky-Becky-Prickly-Stool spawns questions. Very raw writing, and provocative. How do you feel about the almost-rhymes? I have mixed feelings. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Richard Blay (4/13/2014 6:07:00 PM)

    Francis, I agree with you, nonetheless, the message is so great and realistic. Thanks (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 801 Points Francis Lynch (4/13/2014 10:45:00 AM)

    Very good. In need of serious editing. Then it will be extrremely good. A bit of the Beatles here too (She's leaving home) . (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 664 Points Tiku . (4/13/2014 12:29:00 AM)

    Seems from a real life story.Liked the way it has been presented. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,403 Points Savita Tyagi (4/13/2013 9:57:00 AM)

    Beautiful heart touching poem. So often impulsive behavior is glorified and some children fall for that. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 304 Points Hardik Vaidya (4/13/2013 6:22:00 AM)

    Aditi the poem is lovely. It is written with rich feel. Has the texture of raw naked life. It is real in appeal and unlike a composition which sits pretty on a well framed plastic or wooden bed. However as a subject opinion I do differ, not on the realisation of the lady in the poem, but on her treatment. This treatment is expected, it is what perhaps happens but that is not the definition of home. A home is one whose doors are always open. In india unfortunately the tendency of doors at homes are to be shut more for women then for sons. What if the character in your poem was a son, what if we went for 3 years, each night went out for parties with different divas, and after 3 years realised his mom and dad though with differences meant a world to him and returned. Do you think as a poet the door would be shut? God bless, you are a very deep writer. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 8 Points Rigzin Namgyal (5/18/2012 2:07:00 PM)

    ...it nearly brought me to tears.....a wonderful write...
    ..a poem reflects the society of that era..this is exactly what is happening these days..
    ..all our pain dwarfs in front of the great sacrifices that our parents have made for us..we all need to understand that..and love and respect our parents...
    ..keep on writing such heart touching poems.. :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 954 Points Kee Thampi (4/16/2012 10:36:00 AM)

    Realized she three years later
    What a fool she was
    Desire to go back was greater
    As her parents must be sad, and she was the cause.
    when God given asylum we never feel it when we missed Him feel it
    Mother is a Goddess father is more than it.... dedication of their life for us (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Arshad Khan (4/15/2012 6:40:00 AM)

    Excellent..Aditi..Every child has to understand that how much pain parents took to raise them..Being sensitive towards parents is crucial (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Daniel Northcutt (4/14/2012 9:51:00 PM)

    Jasimine Mans, who, like yourself, is a great contemporary poet, once said that poetry doesn't start until you are being honest. I cannot imagine more honesty in a poem than that which I find in yours. Believe me, for you, half the battle is already over. What a great beginning to what I'm sure will be a great poetic journey. Know now that you have one real and true fan forever Aditi. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 6,080 Points Neela Nath (4/14/2012 10:02:00 AM)

    So mature is your writing! This happens in our society.Very true picture you have depicted. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 7 Points Santa Santa (4/14/2012 8:05:00 AM)

    Cann't imagine how such a little girl can write such a beautiful touching poem. Gr8 work.. Keep it going.. hv a great day, (Report) Reply

  • Rookie teal Sky (4/14/2012 1:14:00 AM)

    a very serene, and heart touching poem.
    nice it was selected for p.o.d.the last para is really adorable. (Report) Reply

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