A Poem Of Betrayal Poem by A Kal

As I write, I begin to cry
cry because of her
cry because I’ve been hurt

I’ve been broken
mentally

no words can fix what is broken
nor actions

what is done is done
the damage has been done

I’ve been betrayed
by the one I used to love most

but not anymore
things have changed
things that can’t be undone

I never hurt her
never laid a hand against her

even though she abused me
slapping, hitting, causing me Pain

and yet
through all that

I never laid a hand on her
how could she do that to me?

hurt me
even though I wouldn’t hit her back

I have been betrayed
by the one I love most

she cannot repair with what she has already done
it is already come and gone
for her to say, “I’m Sorry”

the Pain that I have experienced
is still happening to me
mentally

I gave her my trust and love
time and time again

and look what happened! !
just more Pain and the feeling of betrayal
love has vanished from my eyes
and has been replaced with hate

no words can describe what I feel
it is not love, nor is it hate
it is something in between

I told you to hang up the phone
why didn’t you listen?

you would have saved me some tears

instead
you made me do what dad told me to do

hang up the phone
he says
the next time she is on
hang up
he said

he told me what I needed to do
if I knew what I know now
I wouldn’t have did what I did

I didn’t want to do it
honestly
but I had to obey

so I did
what I did

she wanted me to move
so she could talk on the phone

I wouldn’t listen
if only I listened to her
she would still be here

I was sitting in the chair
and would not move

so she sat on the desk
with me in the chair

I just sat there
and didn’t move

If I knew what I know now
I would have moved

I debate
whether to listen to dad or to her

I choose the one with more authority
I hang up the phone

she is o’ so mad
at me

what have you done?
she says
you stupid idiot

she says to leave her alone
I disobey and follow my orders
that I obey against my will

she calls HIM back
and it begins again
as if this is the first time

hang up the phone
he says
the next time she is on
hang up
he said

I heard his words again
in my head

I obey
and unplug the phone

she is o’ so mad
what have I done?

she pushes me away
I go back

If I knew now what I know
I would have left
It would have saved me some tears

tears that are falling
falling

I go back to where I was
If I would go back, I would have stayed
it would have saved me some tears

she started to raise her hand
and then
she slapped me across the back of the head

o’ so hard
harder than ever before

how could she
how could she do that to me?

I wouldn’t have harmed her in any way
yet she hurt me
mentally

this time
she meant it

it’s not like the other times
when she was smiling

this time she wasn’t smiling
she was mad

no laughter in any way
I could find nothing but anger
such anger

I started to cry
my eyes started to water

I left before she could have the
satisfaction of having made me cry

about time
she said

oblivious to my eyes

I walk calmly to the bathroom
I could barely do it
could barely see

I started to weep
silently

no sound came from my lips
they were suppressed

how could she?
why did she slap me?

I wouldn’t have hurt her
honestly

I couldn’t lay a hand on her
not because she was my sister
not because she was a girl

it was something much deeper
it was me

I wouldn’t, couldn’t do it
without hurting me as well

fifteen minutes
later

I ask him, my brother
where his cell phone is

ten minutes later
after figuring out how to use it

I call mom
at work

leave her alone
she says
I’ll deal with her when I get home
she said

I obey her as well
and leave her alone

she stays on the phone
laughing and talking
oblivious to what she has just put me through

Later,
when the parents are home
I tell them
even though I’m about to cry again

they tell me that I can leave
so I leave, and cry alone
where no one can see me

the next day
she didn’t ride the bus home

instead she gets home by her
fiancée’s uncles

mom calls a friend
for moral supports

few words are spoken

take what is yours
mom says
once you leave your not coming to get anything you’ve forgotten
she said

has a trash bag full of belongings
the rest is left behind

she gets back in the truck and leaves
without saying good-bye

I go through her trash and find scraps of paper written in her hand
“I hate my family”

the last time I ever saw her
on our property
was her riding in a white pickup
truck that belonged to her fiancées uncle

I saw them at school
a week later
kissing

I am filled with rage
more at him than at her

got married a little while after that
I wasn’t even invited to my own sister’s wedding
didn’t even tell me

no family was invited
didn’t even tell us

one of her friends did

mom called the court house to make
sure she wasn’t lying

she was telling the truth
for once

dropped out of school
even though less than half a semester
remained

no education, no G.E.D.
but has a child

Kaylie Nicole
she can say “hi” now

I am filled with joy
and happiness for her

but at the same time I feel
sorry for her

I know how she will be raised
she will just be like her mom and DAD

unless they are willing to change
if they haven’t already done so

to this day
I have barely spoken with her

I can’t
there is a barrier between me and her

neither one tried to break it
so it stays
and gets stronger each and every
day that
passes

If I knew not what I know now
I wouldn’t have obeyed dad

I would have got up and left
and she would still be here

but I obeyed dad
and she left because of it