A Little Paradox Spoken Tonight Aroused By Extreme Pressure Poem by RIC BASTASA

the gods of the little nook
universe
has cursed me
not to be happy and not to be able
to say
what i really want in order to live fully.
i know my hands
i know the significance of each line in my palm
but the words are like forceps
that are pulling my nerves

the pains are indescribable
but it only my silence that is the clue
to my redemption

i am put in a box
where i am fed some trickles of light from leaks
like pores
of my skin

i know what to say but when i say the first word
the box starts to tremble
it is forbidden

i tried it once and some of my roots were cut
fate is treating me like a tree without leaves

out there in the fields
i see images that please me
shadows of love and bliss and
immeasurable joy

i am sure if i touch one of those
my back shall grow its wings

i have never done the things i did in dreams
i am powerless as an ant whose legs are cut

i boast to those who follow me
that i am a black bird with shiny feathers and that i have flown
both edges of the world
that i am bringing with me
all songs of happiness

they have never seen my heart
they only heard how it sings so well
i am glad

sometimes i wish that i have a mastery of who i really am
i am free i am chained.