David Harris

(18 June 1945 / Bradfield, England)

A Girl Named Fred


Once upon a time not many years ago
a girl named Fred fell in love with a boy named Fran.
Although the names seemed an odd combination
and could easily be confused by people who did not know
that Fred was a girl and Fran was a boy.
They made the perfect couple as everyone agreed
and when their wedding day arrived,
the priest who was standing in
did not know about the names
only that he was marrying a Fred to a Fran.
Turning to Fran he said,
Fred with you take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife.
Excuse me Father, but I think that should be husband.
The priest looked up a bit dismayed, but just carried on.
Turning to Fred said Fran will you take this man
to be your lawful wedded husband.
Excuse me Father, but I think that should wife.
The priest’ eyes rolled around in his head
very dazed and confused.
The silent sniggers in the congregation began to grow louder
as peels of laughter not bells rang out within the church.
The poor priest was now in utter disarray
and after blessing the rings;
he handed them back the wrong way about.
Then the poor priest red faced said
to whomever I pronounce you man and wife.
Just to make things more riotous
someone switched the Wedding March
to Rock Around The Clock,
which sent the bride and groom bopping down the isle,
and the poor priest he had a nervous breakdown
saying he would never perform
a wedding ceremony again.
He would stick to funerals
as there was only one body involved
and they wouldn’t talk back to him.

Submitted: Sunday, September 20, 2009
Edited: Tuesday, June 21, 2011

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Comments about this poem (A Girl Named Fred by David Harris )

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  • Rookie - 491 Points Stephen Stirk (10/1/2009 2:41:00 AM)

    A hilarious story David. As Alison said, it must be true, unless your have an imagination as vivid as the colours of a rainbow. Many years ago, I courted a girl called Freda, who was nicknamed Fred. Thank god my name isn't Francis.
    Best
    Steve (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 491 Points Alison Cassidy (9/29/2009 2:14:00 AM)

    This must be true! No one could make up such an amazing story! It would have been such fun to have been a fly on the church wall. Another wonderful tale from a fine story teller. Lvoe, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 89 Points Marilyn Lott (9/21/2009 4:16:00 PM)

    Cute story, David. I'm sure nowadays there are a lot
    of situations that get confusing as the world isn't so
    simple anymore. '10! '

    Warm Wishes,
    Marilyn (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 89 Points Tsira Goge (9/20/2009 1:17:00 AM)

    David, It is amusing history... But I think that the priest has easily managed from this situation, in ours times, people often change gender.... But this already other theme.... 10..
    Al the best,
    Tsira (Report) Reply

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