A Final Word Of The Love I Hold. Poem by kamryn chew

A Final Word Of The Love I Hold.



Well I figure I should get some things off my chest, since you said your here to listen. I have so much to say but I dont know how to get it all out and it make sense if i say it aloud. So here goes. First of all, I loved you, always. When I decided to end it, it hurt so bad... but I kept looking back on how we had been.. How I could see your love for me in your face, how I could not think of anything but you. And when things became bitter between us.. I could not bare to have things go that way.. to loose what I had thought I would never find.. I thought it would hurt less to stop when we still loved one another. Of course I regret that now.. more than any words could ever say. i know, that even through the hard times.. I would not have stopped loving you.. because even through the years.. without seeing you, I still love you. I still remember our first kiss... I remember everything like it happened yesterday. I still can see the look on your face when I was dancing around in the dining room at ccc with that ugly hat on my head. That was the moment I knew I wanted to marry you. Over the years I have grown up.. as you know.. And I see my mistakes so clearly now.. I only wish I knew then what I do now.. but I cant change things from the way they are. I do not know why I never made love to you.. As much as I try to think of a reason.. the only one with any truth is that I was afraid. Not of you.. or anything..I was not scared you would use me... I knew you so much better than to think that. But I was scared.. just scared. I wanted to make love with you.. I honestly did. Maybe I was afraid because you meant soo much to me.. you were my world. And even until now, there has not been a day I have not thought about you. I think about everything, your silly smile.. your kiss, your hugs.. your touch, all of it. I still have our pictures, I could not bring myself to get rid of them. I have tried to date other people, but I compare them to you. And I have never seen the look that you had when you looked at me on any face but yours, so how could I pretend to be happy? You and I were forever. In my heart, we still are. I dont know if you still love me, or if you ever could again, or even wanted to try.. but In my heart, we are forever, if only in my heart. My regrets are what has kept me from calling, regrets that I cant change how things have become. Regrets that make my heart sick to think of, but haunt my thoughts when I least expect them, and even my dreams. I have spent so many nights willing myself to just pick up and call.. to hope that maybe you wanted to hear my voice as well. The way I have felt has never been something I could change, no matter how I tried. I never thought of the ending, only the begining and middle. I can be whatever you want me to be, even if it is only friends. I only hope you would give me the chance to love you the way I always wanted to, the way we both always deserved. I loved you then, and I love you now, and rather you want it or not, my heart is yours forever.

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Yonela Mali 09 September 2008

you just made me cry...its such a beautiful truth of a loved lost...you will love again

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Jean Avendaño 09 September 2008

Its nice.. I really can relate to it..

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