Diane Hine

Silver Star - 4,107 Points (25 July 1956)

A Farce. - Poem by Diane Hine

Caesar thought he was out of reach
'midst weeds and grass, he ate a peach.
Pompeia, his wife, found him at last
Palms held up, she delivered a blast.
'Caesar, new lawn is coming today,
get busy, clear weeds, cut grass, don't play.'.
He said 'Stop, enough of your SNORTS AND BAWL'.
Biting ONCE MORE INTO THE PEACH, he obeyed her call.
And when he was done, found that that wasn't all.

'RAKE HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES'
said Gran with a fag on her lip
'SEIZE THE HAY', said Pompeia,
whilst beating cream with a whip.
Caesar said 'How about help, I'd expect no less'.
'We're making a trifle for Dan's wife Ness'.
'Who? '
'you know, NESS ESSITY..........THE MOTHER OF VIN VENTION'.
Caesar stuck in his finger and licked causing tension
'Why? ', wailed Pompeia and hit him with a sieve. Ding!
'Ow! A TRIFE UNEXAMINED IS NOT WORTH GIVING'.

Gran muttered 'THE WIFE OF DAN IS SOLITARY, POOR,
NASTY, BRUTISH AND SHORT'.
'Gran! , that's not a very charitable thing to say'.
'Well someone ought'.
'Lay the topsoil, Caesar', said Pompeia, pointing to trailer in drive.
'LOAM IS WHERE THE CART IS, no more you skive'.
'How will I level, lay straight and true? '
'GRAN IS THE MEASURER OF ALL THINGS, she'll show you'.

Caesar swore when the shovel impacted his toe.
'Language', warned Gran.
'I CALL A SPADE A SPADE, you know'.
A bug lit on his nose, he focussed his sight,
too late, 'Ow! , THE MOVING WINGER BITES'.
Grumbled as he started to lay the turf,
'MESSED UP THE WEEK FOR HAY THAT INHABIT THE EARTH'.
'Keep going', urged Gran as Pompeia came to see,
'Nay, THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER SODS BEFORE TEA'.

He went to the kitchen, but before he could speak,
Pompeia threw up her arms, 'YOU REEK! , YOU REEK! '.
'For *@%$'s sake! ', he mumbled.
'Language', warned Gran.
'I STINK THEREFORE I DAMN, you old dishpan! '
Gran clasped her hands to her chest, most distraught,
moaning, 'THE LIFE OF GRAN IS SOLITARY, POOR,
NASTY, BRUTISH AND SHORT'.

At last all was finished AND SO TO BED.
'I LAME, I SORE, I BONKERED', he said.
Pompeia planned party quite pleased with herself,
'Will you mow the lawn? '
'No', he said, 'MOW THYSELF'.

They invited Dann over and Ness brought her brother.
'Gran, stop smoking, we're all going to smother'.
'Shan't', said Gran, 'ONE GOOD BURN PRESERVES A MOTHER'.
Ness and Gran just glowered at each other.
Ness said, 'My brother mows lawns, that's his van,
Caesar, meet BRUTUS, HE'S AN HONOURABLE MAN'.


Comments about A Farce. by Diane Hine

  • Gold Star - 9,642 Points Bri Edwards (11/14/2014 1:32:00 PM)

    i've heard trifle use as in the first definition, but, though i HAVE heard of truffle, i don't recall hearing of the food trifle. :)

    i'd rather have the latter(latest?) , than either of the first two items i just mentioned.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    tri·fle

    ˈtrīfəl/
    noun
    noun: trifle; plural noun: trifles

    1.
    a thing of little value or importance.
    we needn't trouble the headmaster over such trifles
    synonyms: unimportant thing, trivial thing, triviality, thing of no importance, thing of no consequence, bagatelle, inessential, nothing; More
    technicality, nonissue;
    trivia, minutiae, flummery, small potatoes
    we needn't bother the principal over such trifles
    bauble, trinket, knickknack, gimcrack, gewgaw, toy;
    informalwhatnot
    we wrapped up a few trifles as party favors
    a small amount of something.
    the thousand yen he'd paid seemed the merest trifle
    synonyms: next to nothing, a very small amount; More
    a pittance;
    informalpeanuts, chump change
    he bought it for a trifle
    2.
    British
    a cold dessert of sponge cake and fruit covered with layers of custard, jelly, and cream.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    skive! another british word i've not known till now. :)
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    focussed looked funny, but i guess if i wrote focused, of misspelling i'd be accused!
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    I LAME, I SORE, I BONKERED', he said. ..............fabulous! as also with other parts. now i'm finally accepting the use of Caesar more readily. i must send to MyPoemList ASAP.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    ann extra n snnuck innto your writing: They invited Dann over.... :)
    - - - - - - - - - - -

    i now see that i left a comment almost two years ago to this day. my first comment was not so great, except that i did send you to MyPoetList, something i have rarely done. [i should have said what Valsa said: FANTASTIC. maybe some of the quotes you 'paraphrase' are ones i've not heard here in the u.s.] for some reason, as with many other poets, i have rarely sampled your poetry, but maybe i should remember to visit yours in the future.
    i would try to say something clever now, in your poem's style, but i may not be up to it. thanks for sharing. i hope they keep the knives hidden while Brutus is in the home. :) bri (Report) Reply

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  • Gold Star - 4,662 Points Patricia Grantham (6/21/2013 9:01:00 AM)

    A very funny write Diane. Full of hilarious antics and
    jaw dropping gasps. Truly enjoyed the laughs. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Owain Glyn (12/17/2012 1:47:00 PM)

    For someone who loves words, I'm lost for them! This is an absolutely amazing piece of work. If I was in a Disco, and thirty years younger I'd want to take it home! (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 9,642 Points Bri Edwards (11/8/2012 6:20:00 PM)

    it was a bit of a struggle for me, but it is good enough! ! ! for me to tackle again and enjoy more another time. i shall add you to my favorite poets list. bri edwards (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 25,150 Points Valsa George (11/8/2012 12:13:00 AM)

    FANTASTIC is the only word I can utter! How you have adapted some of the phrases for your advantage! It all sounds altogether funny... Funny! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Constance K Yost (9/19/2012 2:16:00 AM)

    Diane, I will be smiling for a while! A very enjoyable group! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Chuck Audette (7/18/2012 12:30:00 PM)

    Impeck-able, like a bird
    Spread thy wings and spread the word
    You knowing how to tern a phrase...
    it never Ceasars to amaze! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 33 Points Mark Dillon (7/7/2012 9:46:00 AM)

    My first smile of the day, thank you, great humour, good play with words. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 12 Points Martin O'Neill (4/6/2012 8:29:00 AM)

    Just read this again - laughing out loud in the dining room. This is a keeper. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Neil Crawford (3/14/2012 11:42:00 AM)

    I like this very much - it's witty and it crackles with humour! .I will read it again.
    I have a poem about Diocletian which I will put on soon.
    Thanks. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 136 Points Romeo Della Valle (3/11/2012 7:04:00 PM)

    Amazing! A funny in part but well crafted write that shows your ability to create fantastic works! This write is great and I thank you for sharing it! 10+++ You got talent and it is obvious in this write! Keep it up! God Bless You! Love and Peace for always! Romeo from New York City! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Karen Deeks (3/11/2012 11:38:00 AM)

    This is ruddy hilarious! ! You brought characters from many moons slipped by slap bang up to date, with all the same traumas and life experiences as we still do today. I adore this piece... Bravo! ! Karen (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 432 Points Danny Draper (3/10/2012 3:26:00 PM)

    Terrific and funny stuff. Hail Ceaser salad as it dashes past your creative poetic window and long and fast may it pun. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,696 Points Valerie Dohren (3/9/2012 2:09:00 PM)

    Fantastic Diane - you are so clever! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 12 Points Martin O'Neill (3/9/2012 9:59:00 AM)

    Tremendously clever mangling of proverbs and truisms. Very funny too. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 12 Points Martin O'Neill (3/9/2012 9:38:00 AM)

    This is so clever and very very funny. Absolutely love it. (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, March 9, 2012



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