A Day At The Races Poem by Paul Reed

All were gathered at Gosforth Park
With a good days racing in view
Hearty banter was being exchanged
In the dining room as the clamour grew

Amongst the hordes, our central character
Restlessly waiting to be fed
When, stomach rumbling, he could wait no more
And tore the cellophane off the bread

A minor scuffle ensued with the catering staff
As bread supplies were apparently low
"Too late! " cried he in gleeful triumph
And sank his teeth into the dough

‘You could have waited! ' cried the waitress
‘You impatient and greedy oaf!
Now we're fresh out of French sticks
And I'll have to pop out for a loaf! '

Fortunately at that moment the starters arrived
And the man, not one you can dupe
Got his eye on a steaming hot bowl
Of a particularly delicious Thai soup

Worse followed however when the salad was served
And whilst, as usual, alert
He mis-pronged his cherry tomato
Which smashed into a fellow guest's shirt

The guest, indignant, rose immediately
And, while stifling a curse
Made frantic attempts to sponge off the stain
Only to succeed in making it worse

‘You rotter! ' he bellowed at our chap
And seizing a chunk of pork pie
Abandoned all semblance of dignity
And threw it at our hero's left eye

As a man of quick reactions, he ducked
And the pie flew past his left ear
Only to land with a gigantic splash
In an architect from Whickham's cold beer

The architect's revenge was sure and swift
And scooping up the last of his rice pud
Catapulted it skilfully with his spoon
To land foursquare on the guest's nose with a thud

He in turn tipped over the architect's table
And upset the cutlery, plates and the teas
And then glowering down at the architect
Yelled ‘That's the last time I pay your bloody fees! '

I don't need to tell you what happened next
And to cut a long story short
All hell broke loose akin to World War Three
And our hero had to abort

He left behind him an undignified brawl
With professionals losing their cool
Throwing plates of sherry trifle at each other
Just like you used to at school

So the lesson to heed from this day is clear
Whether you're tackling your ham or your pork
Give due respect to the cherry tomato
And be careful where you dig in your fork!