Joseph Anderson

Rookie - 284 Points (3-12-25)

A Candid View On Aging

I sat before my desk last eve
To assess my current plight;
The things I see, you might agree,
Indicate a major blight.

My heartbeat is irregular
And, likewise are my bowels;
My appetite has flown the coop
While my nervous stomach growls.

My sex drive took a wrongway turn,
On life's highway, some miles back;
My drugs for that don't seem to work
So, I'm no good in the sack.

My bones keep going crackle-pop
And my back's in constant pain;
I have fungus on my toe nails
And my garden needing rain.

My teeth and hair are getting thin,
I'm having trouble seeing;
My prostate gland has swollen up
And that restricts my peeing.

That about sums it up, for now,
Not to mention larger ills.
Did I forget to tell you how
I keep mixing up my pills?

I'll be eighty five, when spring arrives
And, with luck, I do survive;
So, thank you, thank you, thank you Lord.
Gosh! It's great to be alive.

Submitted: Friday, February 18, 2011
Edited: Monday, March 17, 2014

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Comments about this poem (A Candid View On Aging by Joseph Anderson )

  • Gold Star - 39,733 Points Aftab Alam Khursheed (10/17/2014 2:16:00 AM)

    beautiful poem Joseph love to read and rate (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 37 Points Doug Bentley (3/18/2014 2:51:00 PM)

    definitely a favorite! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 656 Points Mary Forrester (3/18/2014 1:06:00 PM)

    Wonderful poem Joseph, really funny, look forward to reading more of your poetry. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kathryn Mahan (3/18/2014 10:49:00 AM)

    Ha! I'm a child compared to you, yet I get the feeling.... Nice poem Joseph :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Elaine Battersby (3/18/2014 3:01:00 AM)

    Hello Joseph
    Liked this poem a lot.
    Liked the rhythm, the humour.
    The spirit.
    Look at mine about my mum Betty.
    She isn't well at the moment, but her spirit is still there thank god! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 962 Points Jasbir Chatterjee (3/17/2014 11:47:00 PM)

    congrats on being poem of the day...It's a really wonderful way of looking at things, removes the sting out of a very painful stage that is old age... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 88 Points Maryanne Richards (3/17/2014 11:13:00 PM)

    I love it. And I have to say it's not years that make you old, its that we stop living. Thanks for the laugh. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 366 Points Elena Plotkin (3/17/2014 12:40:00 PM)

    I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I guess it's always funny until the first white hair appears. Whew, mine is still gray. That was a close one.10++ on the poem. Thanks for the laugh. If you have a chance please read my poem The Old Age Creak (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,078 Points Cynthia Buhain-baello (3/17/2014 12:18:00 PM)

    Delightful humor and very excellently written, enjoyed the lines and the details of aging. Happy to know at 85 you are still sharp with the wit. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 37 Points Colleen Courtney (3/17/2014 8:58:00 AM)

    I love this! How wonderful to still be able to have a great sense of humor at an age when I'm sure everything creaks, groans and hurts! I'm half that age and already starting to feel it! Beautifully done! (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,183 Points Valerie Dohren (3/17/2014 5:40:00 AM)

    Great poem Joseph - I am sure many of us can relate to this. Our one consolation is that we are all on the same path. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,175 Points Paul Reed (3/17/2014 4:57:00 AM)

    Joseph - thanks for this poem - things not affected by your age are your keen mind, wit and the sense that the ills bestowed on you are a natural process but your spirit survives unblemished. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 6,935 Points Bri Edwards (3/6/2014 7:44:00 PM)

    this has been selfishly sent to MyPoemList. i hope i remember to read this at least once a year to compare myself to this crumbling poet's body. and he still seems to be alive several years after writing this cutie! as i said to him in a message, i hope to be dead before i reach his age; some of my poems touch on this subject. but it is nice that this old codger can at least write and still has a sense of humor...........or wasn't he trying to be funny? ? ? ?

    [[ for those younger or foreign readers, i have copied the following definition ]] [[ oops! i didn't know it was considered derogatory ]
    codg·er [[used in my comment ]]
    noun: codger; plural noun: codgers

    an elderly man, esp. one who is old-fashioned or eccentric.
    old codgers always harp on about yesteryear

    and for those who liked reading the last definition:

    blight [[ found in the poem ]]
    noun: blight; plural noun: blights

    a plant disease, esp. one caused by fungi such as mildews, rusts, and smuts.
    the vines suffered blight and disease
    synonyms: disease, canker, infestation, fungus, mildew, mold
    potato blight
    a thing that spoils or damages something.
    her remorse could be a blight on that happiness
    synonyms: affliction, scourge, bane, curse, plague, menace, misfortune, woe, trouble, ordeal, trial, nuisance, pest More
    the blight of aircraft noise
    antonyms: blessing
    an ugly, neglected, or rundown condition of an urban area.
    the depressing urban blight that lies to the south of the city

    verb: blight; 3rd person present: blights; past tense: blighted; past participle: blighted; gerund or present participle: blighting

    infect (plants or a planted area) with blight.
    a peach tree blighted by leaf curl
    synonyms: infect, mildew; More
    kill, destroy
    a tree blighted by leaf curl
    spoil, harm, or destroy.
    the scandal blighted the careers of several leading politicians
    synonyms: ruin, wreck, spoil, mar, frustrate, disrupt, undo, end, scotch, destroy, shatter, devastate, demolish; More
    informal mess up, foul up, stymie
    scandal blighted the careers of several politicians
    subject (an urban area) to neglect.
    plans to establish enterprise zones in blighted areas

    mid 16th cent. (denoting inflammation of the skin) : of unknown origin.

    I REALLY DOUBT Joseph is a plant, and we can see, by the examples given above, that blight may refer to conditions unrelated to plants. ;) maybe he has multiple blights?
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    J.A. managed to throw me a bit by tossing this into his list of physical ailments: And my garden needing rain. at first i thought he was making a simile or metaphor or whatever it might be called. but then i just realized that his memory lapsed for long enough that he got off track. that happens sometimes in old age, Joseph. don't worry.................too much.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    i love the rhyming, especially because they are good rhymes. there are so many lines i liked but if i HAD to pick favorites.......hmmmmm?

    My heartbeat is irregular
    And, likewise are my bowels;
    My appetite has flown the coop
    While my nervous stomach growls. .....(i would put the comma in between irregular and And.)

    now he has inspired me:

    65 And Alive; Darn

    At 65 MY heartbeat is irregular,
    but my dear bowels seldom are.
    My appetite's still gangbusters.
    At night i soak my a jar.

    - - - - - - - - - - - thanks for sharing. you've helped me to while away another afternoon. :) bri (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 408 Points Anthony Burkett (2/16/2014 10:49:00 AM)

    Laughing out loud! OH! The joy of commiseration! : -) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 23 Points Thomas Vaughan Jones (1/19/2014 3:57:00 AM)

    Be strong and stoical Joe! ! !
    It's the only way to get through it.
    How do you know you have fungus in your toenails?
    I can't even see mine. But I know they're down there somewhere.
    My chiropodist keeps me informed.
    ROFL (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 9,730 Points Heather Wilkins (10/3/2013 8:43:00 PM)

    numbers mean nothing, we are as young as we feel. lovely write on aging (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,063 Points Kanav Justa (5/20/2013 5:53:00 AM)

    great great poem, , , thats all what i can say, , , ,

    I'll be eighty five, when spring arrives
    And, with luck, I do survive;
    So, thank you, thank you, thank you Lord.
    Gosh! It's great to be alive

    KUDOS, , , (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 2,344 Points Hans Vr (4/5/2013 10:12:00 PM)

    great poem
    i love the light (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 442 Points Yasmeen Khan (4/2/2013 10:26:00 AM)

    It's everyone's story whether we are in this ripened stage or waiting for it. I can well imagine rusting of youth by reading your poem. It; s a realistic visualisation, we all heading towards it if 'with luck, we do survive'.
    Blessings (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 532 Points Juan Olivarez (3/28/2013 4:11:00 PM)

    Joseph as always you are a premier poet and storyteller. I am only fifyy nine and I can assure you all those ills are mine as well. God bless. (Report) Reply

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