A C T C - 2014/08 Entries - Poem Hunter Poems Poem by Brian Johnston

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Check out the new Challenge Title for September as well!
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CHALLENGE TITLE POETRY CONTEST FOR AUGUST!
>>> 'WHY DO TURTLES CROSS THE ROAD? ' <<<


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! ! ! ! ! THE AUGUST POEMS ENTERED START HERE! ! ! ! !
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-what is turtle soup anyway? -
By Mandolyn

hey upside down reptile
or am i upside down?
what's in that shell? will you tell us?
OH- you're naked under there!
sorry, that was rude of me.

everyone is writing about you, you know.
really good stuff too, like i read one
today and thought 'wow, she can write about turtles'

someone else said 'hey, it's a contest Mandolyn'
while i was writing about leaving the country
after my panda express fortune cookie told me i would
be leaving the country
soon. what does soon even mean? like next week?
do i believe the Chinese know their shit?
my first reaction was 'how should i pack? do i need to
bring my own water bottle? will this rectangular piece
of paper with red writing send me to Thailand? '
i love pineapple rice...

now i'm thinking how cool turtles are.
they don't need a curled up cookie to tell them what to expect.
they just go
stop
go
stop
munch 'n have a hunch
they might get run over by a car

that's why you never see a turtle on the road,
they were never friends with toads
and toads were never sprockets
that were wet.


Contest Master's Comment - Special allowances are always made for Senior Citizens! How old is Mandolyn this week? Still 96 I see! Sorry sweetie, we all know that you are a 'babe, ' so in spite of the fact that Mandolyn got the title wrong, she is given a pass by the Contest Master. Her heart was in the right place and her poem is really not about toads though she mentions them twice as you get close to the end. Perhaps she is obsessed with former boyfriends? It's frogs that turn into Princes isn't it or did I get that wrong too? Just wondering Mandolyn, are you confusing 'turtle soup' with 'Poetry Soup' in your title somehow? I know life gets confusing as we get older! Just thought I'd ask.

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Why Do Turtles Cross The Road?
By Darlene Walsh

Why do turtles cross the road
Can an answer ever be found
So I sat upon a tuft of grass
Between a road of dirt and a pond

I sat and sat for hours and hours
Waiting for a turtle to appear
Then out of the pond one did come
Speeding up the bank he ran

I watched and watched as he did run
A full point two miles a day
Between the pond and road he dashed
I knew he soon would cross

After an hour he finally arrived
And stopped to look around
Unsure that he was safe and sound
He stopped and shook his head

Afraid to cross a wide open space
He avoided stepping off the grass
Then rushed along the edge of the road
A full point two miles a day

He traveled a while on his way
Then his day grew suddenly gray
Looking up he saw a frightful sight
A gray mountain coming his way

So rashly he rushed across the road
Away from the elephants crushing path
He put on great speed as he rushed along
A full point three miles a day

He just barely attained the other side
As the gray mountain passed him by
As I watched I was sure I now knew
'Why do turtles cross the road? '

So as you walk and happen to see
A turtle crossing the road
Look both ways and stand carefully back
Or an elephant will crush you fast


Contest Master's Comment - Don't forget guys that Darlene not only likes Science Fiction but she is 20 years old also (and up front about it too) ! She is really out there and 'babesk' in spirit for sure. Courage and integrity to boot, although I personally would not trust a turtle to know the difference between an elephant and a steam roller, we can surely not fault Darlene for just reporting what the turtles told her, can we? !

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Why Do Turtles Cross The Road? ……. [CHALLENGE TITLE for August; temptation; MEDIUM LENGTH; God] by Bri Edwards

The answer is they DON'T;
they can, but they just WON'T.

In Garden of Weeding….
Turtles were once feeding.
Then God said: 'DON'T EAT PEAR! ',
which gave Turtles a scare.

But along came Slim Jim;
said: 'Don't listen to Him.
He's all pumped UP,
but He's just a PUP.
Yes, His bark isn't slight,
BUT He's GOT no bite.'

So Ava T. did eat;
gave Eddie T. a treat.
Pears did taste SO good;
Turtles ate all they could.

Next day came God on stroll,
and nearly lost control.
ALL pears were eaten;
temper started heatin'.
'GOD WILL DAMN THEE TURTLE.
FROM GARDEN I DO HURTLE! '

Around Garden went 'rod',
placed there by their god.

For not doing as told,
they fear 'Rod' (we call 'road') .


Contest Master's Comment - So Sorry Brier but I went to sleep just reading your convoluted title. Still if I give Mandolyn's title a pass, I guess I have to allow your poem too! We've seen your picture, no babe material there (or 6 pack abs either I'm guessing) . Me either. But God may get you for changing the 'apple' into a 'pear' just to make an easy rhyme. I personally advise Christians not to vote for this poem to avoid God's wrath as well. But not to worry Bri, the Bible itself says that 'few will enter in' (and none from works, that's for sure) so the chance of a real Christian taking me seriously and voting against you is probably zero anyway. There probably aren't any poets going to heaven...Ha!

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Why Do Turtles Cross The Road?
(A **Joint** Poem by Diane Hine and 'THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA')

‘Okie' turtles cross the road
because they've all read
‘The Grapes of Wrath'
AND NOW LIVE 24/7
IN AN ALCOHOLIC STUPOR
IN MIGRANT WORKER HOUSING IN CALIFORNIA
TRYING TO IMAGINE
WHAT THE WORLD WOULD BE LIKE
IF GILBERT GRAPE WAS PRESIDENT.

Badbottom Leatherback bikie
turtles on Harley-Davidsons
don't just cross the road,
they own the road
AND LIVE IN 'HOG' HEAVEN
THE TRUE FAT CATS (IS THAT A SLUR?)
OF THE MODERN WORLD.

Kerouac turtles are the road itself
SO LIKE SCHROEDINGER'S CAT
THEY ARE ALWAYS IN BOTH STATES
AT THE SAME TIME, IE.,
CROSSED AND UNCROSSED,
IT'S ALL PROBABILITY PROBABLY! ? !
ANYWHO, IT'S HARD TO LIVE ANYWHERE
WHEN THE WORD DESTINATION
IS NOT IN YOUR VOCABULARY.

and Chuck Norris turtles never
have to cross the road because
the road crosses itself
EITHER IN TRIBUTE TO L. RON HUBBARD
(WHO LIVES IN THE HUBBARD TELESCOPE)
OR BECAUSE THEY HAVE WATCHED
SO MANY INFOMERCIALS
THAT CROSSED EYES CAN'T TELL
ONE SIDE OF THE ROAD FROM THE OTHER
CHUCK NORRIS TURTLES DON'T LIVE ANYWHERE
THEY PERSONIFY, ‘I AM.'


Contest Master's Comment - The 'dark horse' of the pack, this poem is probably way to literate to garner many votes even if you have taken voice lessons from the Master of Music himself. Who is that masked man I wonder. Will he ever be unveiled? Surely there enough literary references in this poem to make most vapid English Major cross-eyed. The only groups left out that I can see are 'Samurai Ninja Turtles' and 'New Age Belly-Button Turtles' who are too frightened of the real world to ever come out of their shells anyway. Did you ever see a turtle levitate? I think you should add a couple of verses Diane & BO (I mean PO) , after the contest is over, don't you?

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Why Do Turtles Cross The Road?
By James B Johnson

‘So why are the turtles crossing the road?
My sister asked wonderingly
As each turtle would come into view.
No guarantee, but sometimes we'd see them
As we drove with Dad out of town
Checking out cows on a farm or two.

‘It's a great mystery to me, ' I said,
‘As both sides seem really the same,
And our vision's much better than theirs.'
‘The problem I see with crossing for turtles…
Is that they're low and also slow
So fast autos catch them unawares.'

A nice gesture, Dad would frequently stop,
Let us scoop them up in a box
For the ‘turtle farm' at our home place.
The grip's important when picking them up
‘Cause turtles can scratch, bite, and pee,
Oh what a joke, … ‘turtle won the race! '

But now why does a turtle cross a road?
Perhaps he's trolling for people?
Buggers don't care about other side,
From industries' leaders they take their cue,
Their mentors, short visioned and slow,
Who risk their lives to get a free ride.


Contest Master's Comment - Truly the oldest poet in the group, I am hoping to win by means of the sympathy vote crowd. Just think of me as a friendly, old, senile, grandfatherly type. Remember the reasons so many of you voted for Ronald Reagan you tea-party, sociopathic, nabobs of negativism and vote for me too or I will raise your taxes too just like Ronnie did! That's a promise!

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If you like what we have done here.....

>>PLEASE VOTE ON THIS 'POEM CONTEST' (FROM 1-10 <<

Maybe PoemHunter will make contests like this a website
feature in the future like some other websites already do?

And a huge vote of appreciation to both contibutor and my
collaborator Bri Edwards (the disgraced ex-poet and now
reinstated postman!)

>>>Please help us make this contest even more popular <<<
>>>by emailing your friends on PH and elsewhere even, <<<
>>>to make the vote as democratic as possible! ! ! ! ! ! ! <<<