993 Pain.. Poem by V F

How can I love you so and yet be the cause of so much pain to you?
When I know that my innocent smile at another drives you crazy?
But if you are possessive I am your mirror image,
Do you realise how painstaking it is for me to read meaning from your every gesture?
Agonising over every minute - what could I have done so wrong as to shut out my sunshine.
For if you do not smile at me, I am lost in dense clouds of despair
Am I not a human being? Can I not make mistakes?
You punish me and revel in my pain perhaps, but every moment is like slow death to me.
For you are my very breath, fibre, pore and the very heartbeat of my existence
Darling I know I have hurt you but it is my love for you that makes me so,
The depth of my love blinds me and I lash out dumbly hurting you
wanting you perhaps to feel my very pain in the pain I inflict upon you
little realising that when the enormity of what I have done sinks in
I die all over again for your pain is mine more than your pleasure.

(07th Jan 2002)