001 T & A's Poem by George Hunter

One day I was feeling squirrely
And got to my workplace early
Realized it was T.G.I. Friday
The day we usually pay
And that fact made my hair go curly.

For I’d forgotten to do my job
And I sat down with a sob.
I had to get off the dime
And get the payroll out on time
Or get mangled by the mob
Of disgruntled workers, not so gay
Who insisted they get their pay
On each and every Friday.

But much to my alarm
(I felt I had bought the farm)
I discovered that morn
I’d used my last form
Oh, why was I ever born.

But before the priest gave me absolution
I came up with a solution.
I’ll just Google T&A, like it was the norm
And get me a Time & Attendance Form
Make copies for everyone
And fill in the data on the run
And save myself from scorn.

So I Googled merrily away
Thinking I’d saved the day
Got 336,000,000 hits on the screen
So many images I’d never seen.

I’d typed in T & A
An acronym, you’d have to say
That was taken a very wrong way.
I had to put on my old eyeglasses
To view so many tits and asses.
I had to put the Safe Search on
As I didn’t want to look at porn
And I was beginning to feel forlorn.

About that time the boss came by
And peered at my screen with a baleful eye
Said, You’re supposed to be doing the payroll log
Instead of sitting here screwing the dog.

The images got her so hot
That she fired me on the spot.
So they gave me two weeks pay
And sent me on my way.

It was a mistake anyone could’a done
After sitting too long in the noonday sun.
But what will be, will be
And when I close my eyes I see
Acres and acres of T & A’s smothering me
What a fantasy, oh my, oh my,
What a wonderful way to have to die!