Monique Sapla

Monique Sapla Poems

The Best Poem Of Monique Sapla

Small

I want to be small.
I wear my hair big and overeat and if you let me I'll be the loudest voice in the room but
I want to be small.

I spend a lot of time alone.
That way I don't need to entertain or be brave and the only person I need to care for is me.
I hold myself when I cry.
And deep down I wish my mother would come running to soothe me
Like I was the only thing that mattered.

I am sorry.
Sorry to my body for every time it cried out to be loved and I numbed it instead.
Drowned it with alcohol and food and the bodies of men who didn't care that I couldn't swim.
Sorry to the young kings I rejected.
For telling you that you were simply not my type,
For believing it.
Truth is you remind me of my dad,
The first black man I loved who didn't love me back.

I want to be small.
I am tired of being big and strong
Being admired for my resilience
Being a machine
When all I want is to be weak.

I am in love.
Not because I crave the way they need me or
The way their eyes drink in every inch of my skin but
Because they let me be small.
They give me permission to be vulnerable, yet safe and seen
All at the same time.
Without a word they take my hand and lead me
Down from this tower that I've built
Until I feel the earth beneath my feet.

Monique Sapla Comments