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Andrew David Dalby Steyning / United Kingdom, Male, 47
Profession :
published poet
Education :
undergraduate for a BAhons
Stage
-5 Points

Latest 5 Poems of Andrew David Dalby

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Andrew David Dalby's last comments on poems and poets

  • POEM: (My beautiful flower) by Allen Steble (5/17/2013 1:22:00 PM)

    There is a lot of repetition here, which is not a bad thing, as it might suggest unfurling and the pealing back of petals but its a tad too repetitious for me; despite that, there is a lot of honesty in the poem and that is great. i love that. Again its free form, and that makes the rhyming structure hard to comment on, I am not sure that the line the aroma of your sweet splendor works... what do you think?

  • POEM: (My beautiful flower) by Allen Steble (5/17/2013 1:22:00 PM)

    There is a lot of repetition here, which is not a bad thing, as it might suggest unfurling and the pealing back of petals but its a tad too repetitious for me; despite that, there is a lot of honesty in the poem and that is great. i love that. Again its free form, and that makes the rhyming structure hard to comment on, I am not sure that the line the aroma of your sweet splendor works... what do you think?

  • POEM: (There's a fire burning in my eyes) by Allen Steble (5/17/2013 1:13:00 PM)

    Hi Allen, I liked this, the use of the lower case i instead of the first pronoun I was interesting and led me to consider 2 options, the first -and most obvious- a typo. But then I thought about it and considered the i over the I... As this is a motivational piece I thought that this was clever as it needs that subtle form of conflict, forcing me to read the poem again. the deep connection to fire and passion interwoven with this conflict, forces the reader, to read and read again, leading to affirmation of the statement but the fire never dies/ because there is a fire burning in my eyes (which feels like a great end line, but also perhaps cliche if it was an end line, so room for thought and redraft, if you were thinking about that. :)
    relating to draft, I don't know if this is a redrafted text, so I cannot comment on its rhyming structure and style. (at first glance it appears to be free verse, but I might be wrong.) I am giving it a nine out of ten, (I never or rarely give tens) a great share and a good motivational poem.
    xad1

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